Ineffably So...

Life...

2012-01-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

My life is weird. One minute I feel like everything is going along smoothly and then the next I feel like it is up in flames. These flames are mostly self inflicted. Arson if you will.

I finally went out of town after being home for a couple of months and this trip was a much needed trip. I needed to get out of town to not only sober up, but to just clear my head, life and anything else that I have felt like pushing the reset button on lately. There is something about sitting in your hotel room and just being. One would think that an over active mind such as mine would drive a bitch crazy. Crazy as it sounds, I do the opposite. I am able to sit there and erase my thoughts and think about nothing. Nada. This trip I did just that. I have had a lot of a couple things on my mind lately, and I just want them to be gone. Although they aren't completely gone, they have subsided and moved to the back burner. This is a step forward. It's time to move on.

I still feel like there is something missing. Lacking. I just don't know what it is. Only time will help me figure it out. At least that is what I hope. I actually know this to be true. I have experienced this first hand.

So, for now I am just going to keep my head up high like I always do. Laugh at this crazy, tragic, insanely amazing life that I have. Smile...because I know that everything is going to be just fine!

The Dog...

2011-12-16T13:37:00.028-07:00

I have been wanting to write this post for quite sometime. But, I don't think that there is any time that will make it easier to write. Last June was one of the roughest days of my whole entire life. It was the day that I lost my best friend and buddy. He was literally my EVERYTHING.

I remember when I got him for Christmas the first year that I was married. A few weeks prior I was talking to the Ex-Mr. and he had asked me about getting a new puppy. And, I remember my response like it was yesterday..."I don't think a puppy is a good idea. They are a lot of work and we simply don't have the time." Now, of course looking back it was the best thing that he could have ever done. The Dog literally saved my life on multiple occasions.

He was not an easy puppy. I remember trying to the whole potty training thing...and he would look at me and pee right there on the carpet. He knew exactly what he was supposed to do, he just didn't want to do it.

I can't count how many items he decided to chew up on any given day. They range anywhere from stuffed animals, blow dryers, tv cords, glasses...pretty much anything that had any value whatsoever. He managed to chew up.

The Dog had a personality that could light up anyone's day. He just wanted to be with people, especially his mom. He was definitely a momma's boy. His thought process led him to believe that he was nearly human. And he was. This dog had a following and he knew it.

It is hard to lose an animal. The attachment that you get to them is hard to put into words, and nothing can prepare you for the day when they are not around anymore. Especially when it is not expected. I never thought that the day would come. I never wanted the day to come. But, life goes on. And all you have are the memories and the pictures.

The Dog loved to snuggle. He would crawl in my bed with me and stick his nose just perfectly in my neck. And that is how we would sleep. He was pretty dramatic when it came to this, his breathing was loud until he finally fell asleep and it was just a downright loud snore. I miss his snuggling the most. I miss coming home and hearing his paws patter on the floor. I miss him always having to be next to me, always having to touch me. I miss his grunts and groans, I miss tripping over him when I am trying to get ready in the morning. I literally miss everything about him. Even the naughtiness. I would take the bad back as long as I could have him back.

There were things about The Dog that were unlike any dog I have ever met before. His favorite thing to do was to swim. I understand that a lab is water dog and of course he liked the water. But, he was literally in his heaven when he was in the water. He was a rock collector. He would find a rock at the bottom of the water and dig them up and line them along the beach. And, heaven forbid you throw them back in the water. It was his collection. He worked hard for them and he was proud of them. Especially the ones that were bigger than his head. I don't know how he managed to carry most of these rocks because of the size. The bigger the better. Along with collecting rocks, he loved to swim. But, when he would swim he would swim in circles and make his own splashes and then try to eat the water splashes. He didn't need anyone to play with, as long as there was water.

I remember the first time we took him to the lake. He was so little and he would swim out in the lake and get so consumed with eating his own splashes that he would somehow end up in the middle of the lake. We were worried about him getting all cramped up, but he never did. He would come back to the beach when he got tired, rested for a minute and then go right back out. There were days when he could hardly walk the next day because he had swam his little legs out the day before. But, that never stopped him from getting back in the water. There were times when we literally had to tie him down so that he could rest.

Naturally, when you have a dog that is this active, he is required to sleep. Boy did he love to sleep. It didn't matter where he was. If he was tired he would sleep. And, just like his mom he hated mornings. He would sleep all day if I would let him.

Because of his mass destruction of anything problem, he rarely had any toys. But, we actually found something for him that was indestructible. It was his bowl. He carried it around everywhere. People would often think that he was hungry or thirsty. He wasn't. He just carried his bowl with him. I often had to take it away from him for periods at time because his bottom lip would get raw just carrying it around. It was his comfort.

Not to mention his frequent trips to the vet. I can't count the numerous times that we visited the vet because he ate a can of macadamia nuts, because he had a cancer spot or because he had to get his knee replaced. Thinking about the money that went into it. It was all worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just to have him back.

Things around the house have been pretty quiet to say the least. I keep thinking that one day I am going to open the door and he is going to be there. I keep thinking that one day I am going to wake up and he is going to be sleeping right on my feet where he belongs. I keep thinking that I need to get home so that I can let the dog out. I keep thinking that I won't be able to watch a Disney movie or a basketball game because he would be jumping up at the TV. He loved to watch TV.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish he was right there by my side shoving his nose underneath my hand so I will pet him. There is not a day that goes by that I would rather be vacuuming up dog hair or finding it in places it shouldn't be, as long as he were here.

I have always said that there is no love like the love a dog. My dog was the true definition of this. He was always there for me. He never let me down. He was a shoulder to cry on. He was there when I had no one else. He was there through some of the toughest times of my life. And now he is not. That has truly been the hardest thing for me. Sure, I have friends and family...but it's not the same as him.

Many tears have been cried. Many more are to come I am sure. I would like to think that everyday gets easier. But, it doesn't. There is always something around that reminds me of him. Always.

If I can offer any words of advice for those of you that have dogs out there. Dog proof your home. Dog proof it in exactly the same way that you would child proof your home for a small child. I had no idea that anything like this could happen to an animal. Let alone my own. www.facebook.com/pages/...Animals...Suffocation/11691818504257...

I understand that life goes on. But, it has been harder. It has been harder to get out of bed in the morning. It has been harder to go home at night. It has just been plain hard for me. I keep waiting to get out of this funk. And, it isn't happening. He will always be apart of me. I am not the same without him by my side.

I love you buddy!

I Have This Thing About Myself...

2011-12-05T14:28:00.001-07:00

To say that my heart is a little crushed might be partially true. To say that I am disappointed might be more appropriate. The problem that I am facing today is that I don’t know exactly who I am disappointed in. Am I disappointed in other people because I expected so much more out of them, and when the end result wasn’t what I expected I am left here sitting disappointed? Or am I disappointed in myself for the decisions that I have made? Both are true.

I have this thing about myself that I am able to forgive quickly and move on. I try to learn from every experience that I have in my life. If I don’t try it out, how am I ever going to know the end result? Even if it does end up hurting me. I have this thing about not protecting myself. I am not sure if this is a downfall or a good thing.

I have this thing about myself that I believe what people say. Why would they lie to me? I would never lie to them. I have this thing about myself that I act on emotion. Whether it be sad, mad, happy or loved. It mostly has gotten me in trouble. I have this thing about myself that I daydream. When I daydream I think of all of these scenarios in my head, and when I do that, they never happen. Yet I keep doing it. I have tried hard to stop, but I just can’t do it. I have this thing about myself that trusts that life is going to move on, life is going to be better than I could have ever daydreamed about. And then I think to myself, no, it’s not going to happen because you have already been over this scenario in another dimension of your brain. So, this leaves me mad, sad and sorely disappointed.

The thing that keeps me going is because I have this unending faith that for whatever reason I am going to feel normal again. I am going to stop replaying these so called scenarios in my head and I am going to move on to bigger, better and different scenarios. As much as this has happened in my life, I still haven’t found a way to train myself to move on quickly. It just happens. Which is the beauty of time. Sometimes it happens in a matter of seconds, sometimes in a matter of years, or sometimes there are these repeating scenarios that never go away. This particular scenario that I have replayed in my brain over and over again has been going on a couple of weeks. And, as long as I can remember, I have never wanted it to go away so badly. I blame myself. Not because I am replaying them in my mind. But, I think about it all and I could have avoided the “what if” in this scenario. I feel like I could have avoided the unknown. Which I hate more than anything, I hate not knowing. And, here I am stuck again…not for the first or second time in a matter of a few months, but the THIRD time. It is a serious case of fucked up déjà vu. I don’t like it. And I am the only one I can blame for ending up in this situation, again. Just like with everything in life, everyday is better than the last.

Spike...

2011-10-18T10:28:00.008-06:00

I know that I have talked a lot about my friends and family on this here blog. But, I have one friend in particular that I want to talk about.

Spike came into my life for a reason, I know that when my life was going through this whirlwind of chaos she was put there to help me. And, she has done just that. I can honestly say that I do not know where I would be to this day without her. She has picked me up off the ground, washed me off and made me feel like a good person. I do not know what I would do if I couldn't call her or text everyday of my life. She knows my deepest darkest secrets, fears, qualities and or lack there of. She is a person that would give her right arm to myself or anyone that was in need of it. She is my best friend in the whole world, someone that I feel a loss and void with if I don't talk to her on a daily basis. Someone that I can go to when I need something, whether it is a material item or emotional need and she will be there. I have seen her buy dinner for someone who couldn't, I have seen her bend over backwards for the people in her life, I have seen her live her life without ever giving up. As bad as she has wanted to.

I have seen her struggle with kids, work and just life in general. I have tried to offer my own advice, for whatever that might be worth. But recent events have left me speechless on how to help. And that is driving me crazy, I want to be there for her the way that she has been there for me, but I don't know how. I feel like as her BFF I should know the exact words to say, or the right things to do to make her feel better. But I don't.

But, if I can offer this...it is that some things in life are out of our control. It is our reaction to these items that are presented to us that ultimately create the outcome. I don't want to be as tacky as to say "If life gives you lemons..." because I don't know how to complete the sentence to "If life gives you a pile of shit..." it's not the same. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, we wouldn't be given a pile of shit if after we get through it and washed ourselves off we weren't bigger, better, stronger people for it. And, as always...this too shall pass.

Spike, I want you to know the impact that you have had and continue to have on my life. You know as well as I do that I would not be sitting here today if it weren't for you (not just because you told me that I couldn't move to the beach). I was fortunate enough to get handed a lemon...and because of you I am a bigger, better and stronger person. I know that people look at our relationship and don't get it. But, I do. Not everyone sees and knows the amazing person that you are. And whoever doesn't see that is missing out.

Please know that I am here for you. I will try to say the right things, but I am not sure how well I will do at that. Please remember that you are fabulous and amazing. You will get through it, and I will do what I can to help. LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!

"Everything will be okay. Think about what happened a year ago today. You probably can't even remember. Everything that seems important now won't be anymore. Things find a way of working themselves out. Things aren't as impossible as they seem. Don't think about how broken your heart is right now, don't think about how things won't work and how hard everything seems to always be. You have two moving feet and a heart that beats. Use your feet and go find what makes your heart happy. Everything is going to workout. Whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. Maybe it won't always work out the way you had planned, I can't promise you that it will. But there is no reason to believe you won't be okay. There is no reason to believe everything won't work out."

Here's the Beans...

2011-09-14T15:26:00.003-06:00

Have I mentioned that there is never a dull moment in my life? It's true. I have been quiet on my blog lately because I have had a lot of shitty things happen over the last few months...as well as some amazing things. One in particular. I guess I have been holding out to just see what happens. I still don't know what is happening, just going with the flow.

Here's where I spill the beans:

While I was in Hawaii I randomly in the most random way met CB. We met and had an amazing time in Hawaii. I honestly thought that it was going to end there. It didn't. We started talking everyday... And as long as I am being honest... I was starting to really care about him. It was random and completely unplanned. Now, I don't know if you have ever been in a long distance relationship before, but it sucks! It's hard, it takes a lot of trust and effort on both parts. Now, because I am an analyzer in everything, you can believe that I picked and pulled, weighed the odds, the pros and the cons to figure out what the hell was going on. And then I was sitting there one day and thought to myself "why are you doing this? Everything that has gone wrong in your life is because you fucked it up by thinking about the situation way too much...so stop it." so, I did. I was going to enjoy the fact that for once in a really long time, I was truly happy. Sure, I didn't get to see, kiss, hug or be with CB everyday... But, for once in a really long time, my future looked bright. So, I wasn't going to let my negative thoughts take that away from me.

Now, I would not call myself a needy person. But let me explain my situation. I went from talking to him all day, everyday through some sort of new age communication... To having plenty of one-sided conversations with myself. It was a kick in the butt, a slap in the face...however you want to phrase it... It hurt. Not because I went from having everything I wanted at that moment to nothing. It was because there was no rhyme or reason that I knew of. Suddenly, something came out in me that I swore I would never reveal... Ever... And that is my insecurities. Who knew they were there? And, they came out because I didn't know why. I wanted to know why? Even a little hello would have cured these insecurities that I didn't even think that I had. But, apparently I do. Just give me something and I will be alright.

Well, today I got something. And, although my future remains to be untold at least I got something.

Like I said before... I went into this knowing that it wasn't going to be easy. I knew that it was going to be hard. I experienced first hand that it was hard. But, I was in it. Whole heartedly in it... Literally with a blind fold on. But, I was willing to take that risk. I have never taken a risk like this before. I am happy, I am positive I am doing everything I think that I should be doing.

Mind you...I was blind folded I expected nothing! The only thing I expect now is to be in the know. I can walk around with a blind fold all day, but if I don't have anything to help lead the way... I am literally walking around in circles. As any blind folded person would do.

So, I will tell you this. I love him. I always will. But, I will continue to carry on with my life with him miles and miles away, but only if he is willing to do the same. A relationship is a two-way deal. If not, I just need to know.

My Life as of Lately...

2011-07-26T16:04:00.005-06:00

Take a chance because you never know how absolutely perfect something could turn out to be.

The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.

Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen. But, its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them for real.

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I probably haven't even met yet. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there is still one more tier to all of this. There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these qualities are self destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding is not inherently differently than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins They wind and you lose, because for the rest of you life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

Aloha!!!

2011-07-14T12:05:00.005-06:00

So much has happened over the last month, I don't even know where to begin! Let's start with the good stuff, shall we?

I got a job assignment in Hawaii. I know what you are telling yourself. Life is rough. You are right. It was really rough! I spent the most amazing 2 weeks in Hawaii, granted I had to work the first week (that was the rough part). But, for some reason getting up and going to work when you are in Hawaii, really isn't that bad. On Thursday Spike met me in Hawaii to spend the next 10 wonderful days doing absolutely nothing! We had no plans to do anything, nothing or whatever we wanted...for 10 days.

We would wake up in the morning and go down for our made to order breakfast, hang out in the sun for awhile while we decided if we wanted to go to the beach or the pool that day. And, when we couldn't decide between them, we went to both. After spending the day in the sun, we would eventually make our way back to the hotel to actually get ready for the day. We joined the hotels manager reception. One day we went to Luau...and we would eventually find somewhere for dinner to eat and try to find the local hangouts after that.

I can't begin to describe to you the feeling of not having a worry in the world, besides how I was going to order my eggs the next day. To wake-up and not have anything to care about but deciding from the beach or the pool. To be able to sit at either one and read a book in the sun...and ultimately being happy.

Naturally, we have story upon story of our eventful trip! They range anywhere from Cuteboy, to things and people we saw, drunken nights, Costco trips, Kmart trips, dancing at the bar, walking home from the bar. Greencard, Jew and Footguy. The stories are literally endless. I have been home for a month now and everyday I long to be back there. 10 days flew by way too fast.

Nothing to Lose...

2011-05-03T09:06:00.008-06:00

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity..."

It's amazing how often times you don't think about the future when you are so content, right now in this moment. It doesn't matter how much you know the odds are stacked up against you in every single way possible. You are willing to fight every single odd that might be...in that moment. But just wait until the next moment. The odds might be different. But right now I don't care.

My heart is fighting my common sense. It is stupid I know. You would think that after so many relationships in your life, you would learn. But, my thought is this...I am only going to live once, I don't want to live with any regrets. I have never been the type of person to not go after something that I want. I can deal with the hurt feelings later, if that happens to be the end result...but what if there aren't any hurt feelings? How would I know if I don't try? I don't want to live with not knowing. In all honesty, I have nothing to lose right now. So, what is it going to hurt. It feels right, it has always felt right.

You're no angel, I'm no saint, if we were
We wouldn't be in this place tonight

Lost and lonely, scared and confused
We both have a past, nothing to lose, tonight
Well it cuts like a knife these bad luck blues
We both got scars from the hell we been thru
Somebody's gotta win, somebody's gotta lose

So let's roll the dice, one more time
Take a chance on love again tonight
Risk it all, lay it on the line
Let the skeletons fight for life
Tonight, hold on tight, as we collide

Reconnected, feelin' no pain
Seeking shelter like a spark in the rain, tonight
Worn and weathered, scared to go home
We're here together, but still all alone, tonight
And there's no need to lie, we've both been abused
The love and the pain, the cocaine and booze
Most people don't, but some people do

So let's roll the dice, one more time
Take a chance on love again tonight
Risk it all, lay it on the line
Let the skeletons fight for life
Tonight, hold on tight, as we collide

My Life as of Lately...

2011-04-27T10:19:00.004-06:00

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has opened for us.

You just got to go after what you want. And if it doesn't want you back, then so be it! It doesn't deserve you anyways! N. Richie

He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, be he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he is not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you. -Bob Marley

I'm Still Here...

2011-03-31T11:54:00.002-06:00

I have been meaning to write for a few weeks now. I have suppose that you could call it writers block. Or, rather I have been hibernating. I hate this weather, I hate this season and I am ready for the summer so that I can get out of this mood that I have been in. I don't want to call it depressed...but when it all boils down to it...that really is what it is.

Days like today make me happy. The sun is out and it makes me not want to be sitting behind my desk, but rather home working on things that are on my list. Or, outside enjoying the sun that hasn't been out in so long.

In all honesty, I really have nothing to report. My life has been boring, and pretty uneventful. Work is starting to pick up and it seems that I will be out of town every time I turn around. And now I take a look and it is already the beginning of April. I am so glad that we are headed into the summer months so that I can feel better about my life, and in a way I just wonder what the hell I did with the last 6 months of my life. And then I remember that I didn't do anything but try to get by and survive.

So, here I am with another list of goals and to-do lists. Already I am doing better at not wanting to just crawl in my bed when I get home. My last trip was a little bit of an awakening to me that life is what we make of it, no matter what the season is. It's ok if one day I just want to stay in bed, but it is also important that you do the things that need to be done, even if you do them one thing at a time. I have to constantly tell myself that everything is going to work out. It just takes time. And I have said this before, and I will say it again. Things really aren't that bad, so quit telling yourself that they are.

Reasons...

2011-03-10T15:48:00.003-07:00

Just a few reasons Ineffably should consider dating again:

Her wardrobe needs to be updated.
It consists mainly of jeans, sweatshirts and flip-flops.
That is so not girly.
My razor and tweezers rarely get used anymore.
That is so not girly.
People keep asking me why I am not dating anyone.
It is getting kind of awkward.
It's true. They act really surprised.
There are very particular reasons why I am single.
Refer back to this list. (Particularly items 1 and 4)

But, aside from all of these items, I am not sure that I want to jump back into this again. Let's be honest. Dating is sooo not fun. Particularly the awkardness of the first date. That first impression stuff...BLEH! I will however tell you what is fun, the giddyness of liking someone, the feeling that you get when they call or text. The excitement you get when you know you get to see them.

It's hard because I have become so comfortable with being single. And, I have done this by choice. I have done this to become a better person, to better myself. I have done this to learn that invaluable lesson of learning how to make myself happy without relying on someone else. I look at my friends that are in relationships and sometimes I envy them...but most of the time I don't...because I haven't had to answer to anyone but myself for quite sometime now. If you think about it, that is kind of a nice feeling. It is nice to know that I can walk into a restaurant and eat by myself, I can take my car in and get the oil changed, the tires rotated, I can stay home and watch a movie all by myself. That is not to say that if some hot man were there next to me I wouldn't let him rotate my tires...but the fact that I can do it by myself says something. The fact that I can pick myself up when I am having a bad day, says a lot. Who cares if I am wearing a hoodie and flip-flops and I haven't shaved my legs in weeks. I am happy doing it.

But stand tall, single girl. Stop fretting about your ring finger, and worry more about finding your best self during a time that can be the most fabulous of your life. No perfume in the world is sexier than confidence—and no outlook more sustaining than one that actually bears up to reality."

Dirty Dishes...

2011-02-03T10:29:00.003-07:00

I had a dream last night where I was trying to go somewhere, but before I went I needed to pick up all this stuff and take it with me. I had my arms full of stuff, but there was still more to pick up. Every time I went to pick up another item, one or two things would fall out of what I was already carrying. Then I would try to pick those things up, and three or four things would fall out of my arms. And I couldn't ever get all of the stuff I needed picked up.

I do not need a dream interpreter for this. This is my life. I feel like each thing I do to get one step to feeling better, being more motivated, moving forward. Something else or twelve things crash around me.

I think I was trying to convince myself and others that life was content and pretty good right now. And in the grand scheme of things it is. I think I am stressed out about the little things. For instance, I have dirty dishes in my sink that are giving me anxiety like you wouldn't believe when I am sitting here at my desk...but I go home...I won't have any energy to care. So I won't do them. And I have this pile of laundry that needs to be done. And when I say pile...I mean that I have one load of whites that I need to do before all of my laundry is complete. But, when I get home I will be too exhausted to care...and it will just have to wait until tomorrow.

Really? Why do I stress about such stupid things like this. And then I start to take a look around and wonder if that is really what I am stressing about. Probably not. I just like to blame it on the dirty dishes and the dirty laundry. Last week I didn't have time for any of that stuff, I don't think that I walked in the door before 9 at night every day. This week has been more calm...but I think that I have enjoyed the calmness and don't want to burden it with my dirty dishes and laundry. I just want to do nothing. But there comes a point where I have to do something about the things in my life that are dragging me down, I have to clean up this mess of a life. Whether it be my laundry, dishes or people. I did start yesterday and I am not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I will you know. I can't let these things drag me down.

A Boob Story...

2011-01-04T16:12:00.001-07:00

This post is about a boob. Specifically my right one. I wasn’t going to write about it, but I figured I would document this story just so that one would not forget such an event. So, if you don’t want to read any further about my right boob, feel free to stop now.

It all started one morning when I was getting ready to leave for a week-long trip for work. I was showering and I found what every woman never wants to find. Specifically, in their right boob. Since I was leaving for a trip, I had to wait until I got home to see a doctor. Therefore, had to wait, sit and worry what this might entail.

Now, let me tell you what the brain tends to do when the unknown is not known. I went through a range of thoughts such as:

“OH MY GOD! I AM GOING TO DIE WHILE I AM STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE BECAUSE I HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY RIGHT BOOB AND THE CANCER HAS SPREAD THROUGHOUT MY WHOLE ENTIRE BODY!”

“My life is about to change in a matter of seconds, I wonder what kind of wigs they offer for my size of head.”

“I wonder who will show up at my funeral.”

“It is nothing. It is just small clump in my right boob that is absolutely nothing to worry about.”

But, nevertheless I made it through the week with minimal amounts of sleep trying to keep my mind off of my right boob. When I got home I finally decided to tell someone as well as make an appointment to see my doctor.

Now…I am not sure if telling someone was the best idea. I didn’t realize how many people had boob stories!!!

“My friend had that and she had chemo and lost all of her hair and her LEFT boob, but she is fine now.”

“My friend had something similar but it was nothing. Except, hers was different than yours. Yours sounds really bad.”

So…I went to the doctor. I had really high expectations that they were going to tell me that it was nothing and send me right back home. I was in that wonderful robe for not more than 2 minutes. She did what she needed to do, felt what she needed to feel. And, I am no professional but she is. And, I can see a worried look on a professionals face when I see one. So, as if I wasn’t already freaked out enough. I was ultimately freaked out at that moment. My doctor asked me approximately 100 times if I was ok.

"NO! I AM NOT OK! You are scheduling me for MAMMYGRAM!!! That is something that 60 year old women get! I am 29, not 60!" I had a medium to large breakdown at the doctor’s office as they were scheduling a good ole' fashioned boob smashing. Once I made it to the car to call my mom…I had a large to extra large breakdown.

Now, without knowing all of the facts I was trying my best to keep myself together. But, I JUST COULDN’T DO IT! All of the sudden you see your life flashing before your eyes. Everything that once seemed important to you, all of the sudden is not as important to you anymore. Things that once took a back row, are all of the sudden in the front row. I know that I might sound a little dramatic at this point. But, it’s true. Your mind tends to wander, it tends to assume the worst when you just don’t know! You automatically think the worlds is just going to end, you all of the sudden realize that you ARE NOT in fact bullet proof like you once thought. Something like this (although it has not yet been proven to be true) could ACTUALLY happen to you. It is weird. It was a reality check.

Now, I had to wait for another doctor’s appointment. I had to wait for what seemed like an eternity. When you have to wait…you think.

“I need my right boob...specifically.”

“My boobs go to together like salt and pepper. I can’t have one without the other”

“UGGHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHH!!!”

And believe me…there were tears. There were a lot of tears.

So, there I was. Sitting on the couch, waiting for the boob smashing to begin. My amazing friend went with me. I was so nervous that my face had red splotches all over it. I was shaking uncontrollably. (More than I normally shake)

“Are you cold?”

“No, why?”

“Because you are shaking like you are freezing cold.”

“No, just shaking because I am unbelievably nervous.”

So…I won’t go into any more detail about that. But, I will tell you that my right boob is ok. Everything was fine and I spent weeks worrying about nothing. Although, it wasn’t really nothing, it is something that should never be taken lightly for women. EVER.

The ending of my story couldn't have been better, but to go home and spend some time with my family. My doctor’s appointment happened to be right before my family Christmas party. So, I show up to my party. With a numb right boob mind you. And, bless my mother, but EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT MY RIGHT BOOB!!! It was the topic of conversation. REALLY? Was it necessary for my uncle to ask how my right boob is? Was it necessary to be enjoying our holiday ham while talking about my right boob? No, I didn’t think so.

“Mother?”

“Sorry…when I get really worried about something I have to call grandma.”

Although this doesn’t necessarily explain how everyone knew or now knows about my right boob. I just hope that next year we can find something else to talk about. I would much rather be calling the jail to sing Christmas carols to whatever family member might be incarcerated that year than talk specifically about my right boob.

Humbling? Yes. A big deal? Yes and no. It was such a relief to know that everything was going to be ok. Awesome to know that I have amazing family and friends that support specifically my right boob . You don’t realize how attached you are to it, until there might be something wrong with it.

A Small Breakdown of Sorts...

2010-12-03T12:25:00.006-07:00

Ok, here is the deal. I have been holding back for a really long time. I don’t know how to get it all down. But, I know that I need to. I don’t know how to verbally express how I am feeling. I honestly don’t know how to do it. I don’t know if I should start at the beginning and move forward, or would it be better to start at the end and move backwards? It is all just a jumbled mess. So, I figured that I would just start writing and hope that eventually it would just make sense.

If I could attempt to explain my emotions it would be that of a roller coaster. One day I feel really, really good, the next day I feel alright, and then the next day I feel like shit and I want to do nothing but sit in my bed and wallow over my miserable life. And, yes I might be being a little dramatic right now, because my life is not miserable. I will get into that part later.

I have some amazing people in my life. I have the best support system that anyone could ever ask for. From the ones that have been in my life for years, to the ones that have recently come into my life for reasons that only I can understand at this time. They are my rock, they have literally held me up over the last few years. I am forever in debt to them.

Here is where I get a little bit negative and I apologize for that. I have these amazing friends that mean the world to me. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Why can’t I find someone that sees me the way my friends do? They see all of my flaws, my goodness, my greatness and they tell me… "one day, Ineffably someone is going to come along that deserves you…right now, there is no one that deserves you.” What does this mean? Does this mean that I have set my standards way too high? Just because I know exactly what I want…I can’t have it, because in reality…they probably don’t exist? I don’t want someone perfect, because I know that doesn’t exist. I don’t even want an equal…because I know that doesn’t exist. In fact I want the complete opposite...how would I learn and grow from someone that was just like me? I want someone who challenges me, someone who I can grow with and be a better person with. Really? Is that too much to ask?

Which brings me to my next thought. (Are you keeping up?) I hate being that girl. I am the friend that is always there. I am the fun friend, the outgoing friend, the one that everyone loves…the single friend. Sure, these are great qualities to have. But, this is the way that I look at it. I worked so hard to become the successful, strong, confident girl that I am today. I worked hard for everything that I have in my life. I worked too hard to be where I am at in my life. Not just financially, but emotionally. When did that become such a bad thing? You hear people say that they want someone who possesses all of these qualities, but when they find someone who has them, the truth is that they don’t really want to be with someone like that. They just want to know someone like that. It scares the shit out of them.

I hate the feeling that something is missing. I hate being surrounded by such wonderful, amazing people. Yet, there is something still missing in my life. I hate being the person that feels like she needs to strive for bigger and better things and needs to find a patch for that hole in her life. Why can’t I just let what is going to happen happen and naturally it is going to heal itself? Because that is not the way that I am

I am not saying that I want to be in a relationship today, or even tomorrow. I am not at a place in my life where I feel like I could give my all, and that is not fair. But, I am working on that. I really just wanted to vent out a lot of my frustrations. I know that I need to not worry about it so much. Life is good, I am happy and content with the way that my life is going. There are just those days when I take a look around, some days I want to scream, very little days I cry. Most days I smile and laugh.

If you know me and you are reading this. Know that I am ok. Know that if you are a part of my life, it is because I have chosen to have you there for a reason and you mean the world to me. I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me. I love you more than you will ever know.

Since The Last Time...

2010-11-19T09:38:00.005-07:00

Since the last time I have talked to you. So much of not very much has happened. I spent a very long eventful week in Baton Rouge. If I can sum it up in a couple of pictures. This is what it would be.
Yes, thats One Note Short and Myself...we are completely and utterly exhausted...not to mention sick and drugged up on little red pills. But, I think it pretty much sums up our week.

Did I also mention that the Dirty South has amazing food? They do. Did I mention that one night when we were out to eat and I bit into my oyster I found a pearl? It's true. I don't really care for oysters to begin with, but I thought I would give it a try...

Isn't it pretty? I am going to take it as a sign of good luck and go with that and I am going to live a glorious and happy life!

Other than that. I can't believe that next week is Thanksgiving already. If you know me, you know that I hate this time of year. No, I haven't done any Christmas shopping, and no, I don't plan on doing any.

On an even more pathetic note. The furnace in my house went out this week. It is a comfortable 55 degrees in my house. Which wouldn't be so bad, except that The Don is currently in Costa Rica sitting under a palm tree with a cocktail in his hand in 90 degree weather with a sunburn. So...I called the repairman in to fix it, and its pretty much a lost cause. While I await his return, I have a space heater in my room...which does the job just fine. Unless I have to leave my room to go pee. Then I am screwed and uncomfortably cold. Really, I am fine.

When you realize that you can't change the world, it's weird how life takes this unexpected turn towards happiness. I still don't understand the way that people think, and I know that I never will. Realizing it has helped me get through the last little while. I guess I just want them to live in Ineffably's world, and not everyone does. I understand that. Everyone has their own world. I am sure that I don't live in a lot of people's world the way that they would like me to either. So, until people realize that my world is kinda pretty cool and they should start living in it and doing things my way. Here I am. Life is good. Until next time.

The Last Few Days...

2010-11-08T12:12:00.002-07:00

Things I have realized in the last few days:
-I can't change the world.
-As much as I would like to.
-I am still going to try.
-I may not be the happiest person in the world.
-But I will be damned if I am not going walk around with a smile on my face.
-And try to make the people that I care about happy too.
-Even if they refuse my help.
-I am still going to try.
-And try.
-And probably try again.
-Because believe it or not.
-I care that much.
-You can push me away.
-But I still want you to be happy.
-And I will still care.
-Crazy, I know.
-That's what friends do.

"People will forget what you have done, they will forget what you have said, but they will never forget the way you made them feel."

More Feel Goods...

2010-11-03T15:23:00.001-06:00

So, I am totally one of those girls...the one who sees a quote and I have to write it down before I forget it. But, I have to admit that they are my feel goods. What started out as a few feel good quotes has developed into a whole entire book of feel good quotes.

I originally started doing this awhile ago, back when I was probably in junior high school. But, within the last few years just started keeping them together in one central location. And, when I am having a shitty day, I bust out my book and read it. I read it from cover to cover. It never fails me. Some are funny, some are sad. Some are about love, some are about hate. They just make me feel better.

I add to it often. Whenever I see something that inspires me, something that makes me laugh or something I like. It goes in my book.
It may seem old fashioned because we have those weird things that we call computers. But, there is something about physically writing it down and reading it that I like. Am I weird? Do you have something like this? It's ok if you don't. I understand.

What is Love?

2010-11-02T14:30:00.004-06:00

Because she played my game...I thought I should play hers. Ever since I read her post last night, not only was I super excited that she has been able to experience this in her lifetime, I have also been thinking about this question...over and over and over again in my head.

It is a hard one for me. A VERY hard one for me. Because I think the complete opposite of her. I do not agree with all of the songs. I do not think that "All You Need Is Love" Because...I had it once...or more...and it wasn't enough. But, the more I think about it, it's because I didn't love myself and I wasn't happy with myself.

So, here I go in my attempts to try and explain what love is to me.

I have had a few loves in my life. I have a couple of soul mates in my life. Which I don't think that everyone finds very often if at all. And for me to find more than one?! It's weird because I have met all of them at the wrong time and the wrong place. I am still waiting to be in the right place and the right time for MY soul mate to show up.

I truly think that it is a feeling that can not be described no matter how hard you try. It is a feeling of peace, comfort and pure happiness for the rest of your life. I think that you have to be happy with yourself before you can let it in, or possibly before you should let it in. It's only fair.

There is nothing like having a constant companion. Someone that you know you can call no matter what, someone that you can go home to and tell about your day no matter how boring it is...or maybe you had the most fantastic day...at least you have someone to tell. Someone that you can kiss good-night. Someone that you can wake-up to. Someone that you can cuddle with...if you like that sort of thing...Someone that knows how to make you feel better when you are in a bad mood. Someone who knows when to leave you alone when you need your alone time. Someone that can pick you up and brush you off when you are down, and of course you will return the favor. Someone who adds to your already beaming smile. Someone you can have a song with. Someone that you can accept criticism from and give criticism to without taking offense. Someone that you can grow with and constantly make each other better people. Someone that you can fight with, because it creates a balanced relationship. Someone that you can share the same dreams and goals. Someone that you can constantly challenge each others minds and lives. Someone that you can live for day in and day out. Someone that you are constantly striving to be a better person for. Someone that you want to see be a better person. Someone that you want to have children with. Someone that you can see yourself growing old with. Someone that can provide for you and you can do the same...knowing that those needs you are providing are not going to be the same. Someone that you can spend the rest of your life with because you are content and happy. Someone that you can marry on a beach in the Caribbean because you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

That is love to me.

More Feel Goods...

2010-10-28T12:29:00.000-06:00

My friends...new and old. I know that when I need a little pick-me up...they are just phone call or text away!

More Feel Goods...

2010-10-27T12:29:00.001-06:00

Seriously??? How could just looking at him not make you feel good? His snuggles, his snores, down to his naughtiness not make you feel better. He has always been my shoulder to cry on and he knows just when I need a hug!

What Are Your Feel Goods?

2010-10-27T12:29:00.000-06:00

In all of my attempts to turn my world around and be happy, I have to admit that it isn't always easy. I have to constantly remind myself that life is good. I do find myself down in the dumps at times and I have to pick myself back up and tell myself that life is amazing, it honestly couldn't be better. I am a healthy, happy 29 year old...what more could I ask for???

Obviously, music is one of the big things that get me out of the dumps. I turn it up loud and I sing at the top of my lungs in the car. However...there are other things that remind me that life is spectacular or make me feel good...and I thought I would share some of them with you over the next couple of days...

I always make a wish when the clock is on my birthday...and if I think about it...I usually tell you to as well. Something about wishing that my wish comes true makes me smile!

Music Makes The World Go Round...

2010-10-26T13:14:00.004-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I was hanging out with my friend Bentley out on our back porch. He wasn't in the best of moods and needless to say, both of us had been down in the dumps the last little while. It was the perfect night to just sit out and be able to talk to each other about our problems. There was no room for judging, it was just a chance where we could speak what was on our mind and talk. We were able to give our thoughts and advice on what we thought each other should do...and needless to say the night was pretty much perfect.

But...that is not really where I am going with this. We got on the subject of music and he wanted to know what songs "spoke" to me. He wanted to know what songs I 100% could not pass up if I heard them. He wanted to know what songs I knew by heart. He wanted to know what songs I sing at the top of my lungs in my car.

Now...of course we went into this whole conversation how one song can have a completely different meaning than it can to another because I believe that people base music on what is going on in their life at the time when they hear it. They relate it to their feelings and emotions at a certain time in their life. It connects them to the world. It connects them to their feelings.

Nevertheless, we sat there and I played songs that currently speak to me.

And, for your enjoyment. Here they are, with no explanation. Take from them what you would like.

Come On Get Higher- Matt Nathanson

Someday We'll Know- New Radicals

Mean- Pink

You Get Me- Michelle Branch

One- U2

Alone- Celine Dion

Closer- Kings of Leon

(Sorry about the retarded links...I have limited resources right now!!!)

I am sure that these will all be different next week...depending on my mood. But, I want to know. What songs are "speaking" to you right now? I don't need an explanation. I just want to hear what songs make your world go round.

What Can I Say...I am a True Libra!

2010-10-20T10:17:00.002-06:00

Symbol: the Scales
Ruling Planet: Venus
Ruling House: Seventh House
Element: Air
Quality: Cardinal
Body Parts: Kidneys
Keyword: Partnership
Date with destiny: Gemini, Aquarius
Run for the hills: Cancer, Capricorn
Where you glow: Mediating
What makes you tick: Charm
Fitness forecast: Rowing
Play date: Flying first class to Paris
Perfect jobs: Beautician, personal shopper
Best accessory: A bottle of water
A sure thing: Flirting
Destination: Fiji
Pleasure: Cooperation, fair play, conversation
Pain: Disharmony, solitude, decision-making
Kindness: Your peaceful nature soothes those who suffer, while your willingness to work with others ensures the job will be done.
What's my line? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Libra is the seventh Sign of the Zodiac, and it is at this point in the Zodiac that we start to see a shift. While the first six Signs of the Zodiac focus on the individual, the last six focus on the individual's contact with others and with the world. Librans are first and foremost focused on others and how they relate to them. We can call this the Sign of partnership with a capital 'P' because these folks do not want to be alone! For a Libran, everything is better if it's done as a pair. Librans are good when paired up, too, since they epitomize balance, harmony and a sense of fair play. While they are true team players at work, their favorite partnership is at home: marriage. Librans feel most complete when they are coupled up with their lover, forever.

It's the Scales which symbolize Libra, and just like that balancing mechanism wants to stay even, Librans want to be on an even keel. Think of the Scales of Justice and how they work at striking the right balance. Likewise, Librans are objective, just and want to do what's best for everyone. It's possible, though, that this penchant for fairness is for a different reason: Librans abhor conflict. The Scales study every possible angle in the hopes of achieving peace and harmony, so much so that others may see them as fickle and indecisive. If that's what it takes to avoid a confrontation, that's fine with the Scales. The Libra-born are keen strategists, organizing groups with poise and getting the job done (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this Sign). Further, you can expect the Scales to be companionable, sociable folks.

Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus. In ancient Roman mythology, Venus was a smooth seductress who was at her best amid pleasurable excess. Well, Librans are certainly carrying the torch for her today. The Scales are cultured, refined and love beautiful things. Most of all, they love beautiful people, which is why Librans do so well at cocktail parties or at the theater, opera or ballet. Those born under this Sign always have the right thing to say and know how to make others feel comfortable. Suave? You bet. Librans are so adept at charming conversation that they need to be mindful of overstepping their boundaries and appearing vain or gossipy (the Scales do love intrigue). When these folks are on their game, however, they are a pleasure to be with. Librans are artistic, stylish and enjoy creating a beautiful world. The converse of this is that bored Librans can become apathetic and lazy -- but they'll smile anyway.

The Element associated with Libra is Air, and that means reaching higher, specifically to the higher mind. Librans like to put their mind to good use, and enjoy communicating their thoughts to others. They like to use their smarts (and talk) to get to know others better -- yes, knowledge about people is where it's at for Librans. You can expect the Scales to make a fair argument, too, since they live by the principles of diplomacy and compromise. When this approach doesn't work, however, Librans are not above using their persuasive charms to get their way. Manipulative? Nah, Librans really are too nice for that. Plus, any end-runs that these folks use are usually to build themselves up, since the Scales can be easily deterred. Librans are polite and don't like to fight, far preferring to talk things through. Remember, these folks know how to communicate (they're Air) so they're bound to make their point. Librans don't get in a huff when faced with an opposing viewpoint. Rather, they take a deep breath and consider all the options in the spirit of cooperation.

Librans at play may not be as energized as at work, if you call socializing work (and the Scales do). That's why exercise for Librans needs to have a social component to it, such as that found at a gym. Alternatively, Librans love the outdoors, so riding and biking can also prove fun. They also love the colors of the sunset sky, that melding of ivory, pink and light blue. In the game of love, Librans are a bundle of energy, romantic and loyal to the core. The Scales need to be on the lookout for their lower backs, though, which tend to shoulder any burdens they may be carrying.

The great strength of the Libra-born is their quest for fairness, peace and harmony. That the Scales are the great diplomats of the Zodiac further helps their case. A beautiful journey this will be, thanks to the Libran's inimitable sense of style.

Letters to Ineffably

2010-10-19T10:22:00.004-06:00

Live Deep- Never stop learning, playing or finding wonder in the world around you. Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

Travel light- There is no use in carrying around worry and regret. They only weigh you down. Always keep yourself open to hope and to love. They give us wings.

Forgive imperfections- in yourself and others. Imperfections keep things interesting They're the cracks where the light shines through.

Own beautiful things- And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day. Surround yourself with things that make you happy, that remind you of the beauty all around us if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make mistakes- Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn to help us find the life that is waiting for us around the bend. Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you.

Take care of yourself- And sometimes that means you need the ice cream. Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit. You're the only one who can.

Dear Ineffably,

I bought this card for you because I think that it fit you so much. You are so caring, so thoughtful, so sincere and serious yet so carefree and happy. But some of these qualities are not as vibrant as they used to be. I'm afraid you take too much on your own shoulders and worry about others more than you worry about yourself. You are beautiful and lovely, smart, you work hard and I know you do a good job at all you do.

I think you have had some disappointments but you have risen above them and can and will continue to go forward and continue to be the happy, fun yet serious girl you are. I love it when you smile and laugh! Your laugh is contagious!

Love,

G&G

Big Fat Thank You!!!

2010-10-13T10:46:00.003-06:00

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

"Pooh?" He whispered.

"Yes Piglet?"

"Nothing."Said Piglet taking Poohs hand.

"I just wanted to be sure of you."

Holy weekend Batman! I have the most amazing friends in the whole entire world. It's weird how sometimes you feel like you are all by yourself...and then you instantly walk into a room filled with the people that mean the world to you, or you get an unexpected phone call from the last person on earth that you thought would call, or you receive hundreds of birthday wishes on Facebook from people that you haven't talked to in years. I literally spent time with, talked to and hung out with people that I have known all of my life...and people that have just recently come into my life that I know will continue to be in my life because in such a short amount of time they have been there for me when I needed them the most. So, thank you everyone for making my birthday the best ever. I literally love you with all of my heart!

Happy Birthday Ineffably! A Post All About You!!!

2010-10-07T12:29:00.002-06:00

Last year Beezy did a post for me. And...I failed to mention it. I thought it might be worth mentioning. (I did a little of my own editing to protect the innocent of course. Sorry Beez.)

She told my whole life story in her birthday post for me,
http://ineffablyso.blogspot.com/2009/08/happy-birthday-betch_18.html
however...I wasn't around for ten years of her life, and don't remember probably five or six years after that, so I don't feel it's fair. But let me tell you what I do know..

1. Ineffably...was not blessed with a middle name. (unlike me ;))
2. We are ten years apart.
3. She loves her homos
4. She taught me to love her homos.
5. She has taken me to the pride of gays for a few years...
6. She has big boobs.
7. But guess what. we wear the same bra size. hers just explode more.
8. Maybe it is because we are closest in age, but she is the sister I am closest to.
9. She has blue blue blue eyes. I always think they are brown though.
10. She changes her hair a lot...
11. She is bitter about me being the youngest, and the most spoiled.
12. Her and that damn iphone...
13. She convinced me that life after high school not only goes on, but is better.
14. One of the best pieces of advice she has gave me is when she once told me that I would stop fighting with my mom the day I realized I am just like her. I keep this in mind...
15. She is a blogaholic. Ineffably So...
16. We are not very nice to each other
17. We love each other.
18. She was my concert buddy for a long time, until she got lame.
19. I enjoy seeing her intoxicated
20. I will never look at tire swings the same
21. She wears Dolce & Gabbana Blue, and every time I smell someone else wearing I get pissed off, because that is my sisters smell. not theirs.
22. Also, every time I smell vodka, (not often) but when I do, I think of her.
23. When I first got myspace, she told me if she wasn't number one on my top friends she wouldn't be my sister anymore. Five or six years later, she is still my number one. but I am not hers. Does anyone else see how messed up that is????
24. She is an amazing wakeboarder!
25. She is a germaphobe..especially when it comes to pens.
26. She loves express. I am pretty sure when she worked there she spent way more than she made.
27. When I get rich and famous, I am going to buy her a pink Harley. Because she deserves it, ok?!
28. She snores.
29. She has a certain look when she is sleeping, I never can forget that look!
30. She has the cutest puppy in ever of existence.
31. She opened my eyes up to a bigger world.
32. Her friends love me.
33. They should.
I just completely took this one out...sorry!!!
35. She once told me she had a beer with Travis from We The Kings. I still don't know if i believe her.
36. She is the only person I have shared a room with. That only lasted for a few months.
37. Her laugh is out of control
38. She hates holidays and birthdays because of the pressure of present giving.
39. She loves halloween, and she always has some pretty bad ass costumes.
40. She has done my hair for every big event I have ever had.
41. I think she is beautiful!!!!
42. She is a HOT MESS
43. Spooning leads to forking
44. I am going to be careful just to prove her wrong
45. She tattooed her eyeliner on..haha I enjoy looking at those pictures
46. I tattled on her having a tongue piercing. Hopefully she forgives me.
47. I love her a ton a ton a ton and a ton!!!!!!

This was a way lame list. I am not, and will never be, the blogger she is. I can't define who someone is in a list, the way she defined me. But these are little pieces of the big puzzle that makes up who she is. Love you beezy! your SO old!

And of course my own list!

My dad used to always think that my birthday was on the 8th. I think I have teased him so much about it that he remembers now.
They spelled my name funny. I kind of like it. My dad still doesn't know how to spell my name.
I can touch my nose with my tongue.
I really want to get a tattoo. But, I don't know what to get. Which makes me worried that there is nothing in my life that means that much to me that I wouldn't want it engraved on my body for the rest of my life. Do I really just not care that much??? Do I not have any feelings??? Am I really as cold hearted as I claim to be???
Lake Powell is my favorite place to vacation. EVER.
I HATE feet.
If I could get away with wearing flip flops or slippers all year long, I would. Most of the time I do.
I carry my camera everywhere I go.
I love my little sister more than anyone will ever know.
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
Christmas is my least favorite holiday.
I always fear that something tragic is going to happen to me or someone close to me. I always have this thought in the back of my mind that if I think it...then it isn't going happen because I just thought it. (Nevermind...just don't worry about it.)
I can't put my head on the seat of an airplane or movie theatre seat. I ALWAYS wear a hoodie to such an event.
I have an extensive M&M dispenser collection.
I also collect coasters.
I have a secret love for Eminem and Bone Thugs.
I HATE the sound of someone whistling.
I love it when I get a peanut M&M...but it doesn't have the peanut in it.
I have never been happier than in this present time in my life.
Being with my friends and family make me happy.
My iPhone makes me happy. I don't know what I would do without it.
I always have a "To-Do" list that never seems to get done.
My dream is move away and live on an island somewhere. Worry free. Debt free.
I suffer from Migraintitis. I don't really know if that is a word. But, if I don't take my drugs every night...I am bound to get a pounding migraine the next day. Not fun.

...you can read my Bucket List here! And my Life List here. Here is What I Know For Sure. Read about my Prince Charming here. More of my Unusual Behaviors here.

I love you all! Thank you for everything you do. Here is to my year of "29 and Holding"

29 Things I Have Learned by Age 29

2010-10-06T08:46:00.008-06:00

Being different does not make us unequal. It just makes us different.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
No one is in charge of your happiness. Except you.
Most of the time, what you are looking for is sitting right in front of you. It's just so often that you spend so much time looking at the door that has just closed that you didn't see the one that has just opened for you.
If you never try. You will never know.
You don't appreciate something until you don't have it.
If we had all of the answers then life would be boring.
You have to be willing to get happy about nothing.
Choose your battles wisely. Sometimes situations are not worth the argument.
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. It's ok to be disappointed, it says that much more about yourself.
People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Sleep often, always or sometimes not at all. But know when enough is enough.
When you are feeling down in the dumps...it helps to turn the music up louder.
It's ok to cry.
Have people that you know you can call anytime and anywhere...and they will know exactly what to say to you to make you feel better.
Spend time alone.
Accept and embrace change. It is inevitable.
Don't worry too much about what people think about you.
Let go of negative friendships and surround yourself with positive people.
Never lose site of your goals.
It's not always about the Benjamins.
There is no love, like the love of a dog.
People deserve a second chance. But probably not a third.
Take lots of pictures. You won't regret it.
If you don't understand life now, give it time. You will. Give time time.
Don't spend your whole life waiting for the right moment.
Don't try to be someone that you are not.
This too shall pass.

29 Is Such a Big Number...

2010-09-29T13:56:00.002-06:00

In one week from tomorrow I will be 29 years old. Holy Shit. 29??? That means that I have exactly 1 year and 1 week to fulfill a lot of shit that I said that I was going to do by the time that I was 30. I feel old. 29 really? It is kind of hitting me all of the sudden and I have to sit back and think of everything that I have accomplished, been through, learned, and survived in the 29 years that I have been alive. I do have to say that it is nothing like I thought it would be when you dream about your life when you are little. I thought I would be married with little rugrats. However, that is obviously not the case.

It is obvious that someone out there has a different plan for me. Not sure what that plan is. Still trying to figure that one out. I am sure that I will figure it out, it is obvious that it just going to take some time. But, I am a week away from being 29 and I am happy and content...and for the most part I do not have any complaints. And like I said before. I don't think that I could ask for anything more. This year has been pretty emotional for me. I had to make some life altering decisions that I didn't really want to make. I am still convinced that it was for the best.

So...for the next year my main focus is going to remain my many financial obligations. I hope to have everything except my car paid off. I would love to be thinking about buying a house for my birthday next year. A house and Harley.

And last but not least...I have one more year to grow my hair out before I am going to chop it off...just in time for my Dirty Thirty. (Unless of course I get talked into keeping it long) But, I have been talking about cutting it off and donating it on my 30th birthday for quite sometime now!

For Now...

2010-09-28T10:46:00.002-06:00

Have you ever run yourself so ragged that you are so completely exhausted that you don't know whether to cry or die? Yeah...that is me right now. I have been going non-stop for the last few weeks and I can't wait until I can finally lay my head on my pillow and literally cry. That is all I want to do right now. I want to cry because my house looks like a tornado hit it and I don't have the time to pick up all the pieces. I want to cry because I want to fix everyones problems and I can't. I want to cry because for once I think it is going to be alright that I can't fix their problems...as long as they know that I am here for them, and I would do anything in my power to help and at least try to make things a little bit better for them. As long as it is just a little bit better. I just don't like to see people hurting. It makes me hurt. I want to cry because I am content with my life. I can see it moving in a forward direction. It is moving very slowly...but forward none the less.

Nothing more...Nothing Less

2010-09-20T21:17:00.003-06:00

There are some times when I really do not want to leave and go out of town. I think one of the biggest reasons is because even though I am gone, life goes on at home without me. Maybe it would be different if everyone just put their life on hold until I got back so that I didn't miss out on anything...or like the last trip...they didn't move on without me.

I think that is what I was most worried about this trip. But why? What in the world could possibly happen in a week that could change the outcome of everything you ask? I don't know. I take a look at what has happened in the last week (I promise I will spill my guts sooner or later) and it is out of control and will forever change my life, so who is to say that another week won't auto-reverse everything that I have wanted to happen the last couple of months??

So, instead of being Ms. Negative...I know that being gone this week is going to be ok. I am going to be ok. Things are going to work out exactly the way they were meant to work out. And being gone is going to make things that much better. I couldn't ask for anything more in my life right now. As long as we are staying positive...The part that I love about being out of town is all the time that I get by myself. The time that I get to sit back and think about my life, the things that I need to accomplish. It's perfect right now. I don't want anything more. And at this very moment. I don't want anything less.

Life is Good.

2010-09-17T09:29:00.003-06:00

This is going to be a complete turn around post from last one. Which is good. I find it funny out life can drastically change in a matter of hours. But, nevertheless. It is going to be random post of thoughts throughout my Friday.

T.G.I. mother effing F.
I have so much to do today. It is ridiculous.
I am considering taking by blog off of private.
I really don't care anymore.
I don't know why I cared to begin with.
I was more frustrated than anything.
My radio won't turn up loud enough today.
But, I'm afraid that the whole building can hear it.
I have to go out of town on Sunday.
I kind of want to go.
But, I kind of don't.
Life has been good the last couple of days.
And I don't want that to end.
I have faith that it will pick up exactly where it left off!
I am sure that you will hear from me until then.
Until next time.
I hope that you have a good weekend.
I can't wait to start mine!

As of Lately...

2010-09-14T13:17:00.002-06:00

I have absolutely zero motivation. None. Nate. Big Fat ZERO! Not really sure why. I would rather stay at home in bed than do anything. I just want to sleep. I love to sleep.
I have so many things that I need to do. Laundry. Vacuum. Pull the weeds in my garden. Vacuum out my car. Grocery shop. Work on a presentation for work. Run a 10k.
Do you think that I want to do any of the above?
Nope.
Coming to work lately has actually been the hardest for me lately. I don't know if it is because I am depressed, burnt out, tired, or all of the above. I guess I just feel like there is so much more out there for me. I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am thinking to myself "Is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?" And...I know the answer is no. And then comes my next question. "If this isn't what you want to do, what are you going to do?" And...I don't have the answer to that question. Because, if I am not happy now then I better fucking figure it out. And, I probably should figure it out pretty quick.
Relationships are hard, although I don't have one. Not sure that I want one. Being single is hard. I constantly have to remind myself that I am a strong, confident person and the right person is out there for me...and I am going to find him when I am least expecting it. I deserve nothing less than the best, and I shouldn't settle for anything less. Sometimes it can just be a downer on the ole' self esteem.
Ok, I think my griping session is about over.
I just had to get it out there.
Not sure if I feel any better.
Because I still want to go home and go to bed.

The Dirty Dash

2010-09-09T08:37:00.003-06:00

I thought that putting my blog private would give me a little more inspiration to write about what is going on in my life. But, truth be told. Nothing is going on in my life. Maybe that is the problem. Sure, I have thoughts going on in my head. Nothing that I want to spoil right at this moment. However, I promise that as soon as something happens...If anything happens. I will let you know.

Currently I am freaking out because I was volunteered to participate in a 10K with a bunch of people. But, this is not an ordinary 10K. Which I think fooled pretty much everyone in our group. It is a 10K that is themed around pigs and mud. We have hogbails, pigpens, hills, mud and the list goes on and on for 6 miles. And, I am not gonna lie. I am really worried about it. I know that I can do it. But, I know that there are going to be some feisty competitors out there. That is what I am most worried about. So, I think I need to get my butt into gear and at least start walking up hills at night...otherwise I think that I am going to regret it if I don't.

You can find more information here if you want to see more about it. Wish me luck! If I survive...I will let you know how it went!

What Would You Do???

2010-09-02T10:20:00.004-06:00

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." ~Robert F. Kennedy

Quite a few years ago I was presented with an opportunity that at the time I couldn't afford the risk. I was in a position that if I lost, I would have literally lost everything that I had. I was married and I was the primary insurance provider, hell...I was the primary provider. I just couldn't see up and leaving everything that I had worked so hard to obtain to potentially lose it one day, possibly overnight. Well, of course hindsight is always perfect vision. I am of course kicking myself in the hindquarters. Needless to say, I would not be in the position that I am now. However, I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Today, or in the very, very near future I am faced with another opportunity that is a humongous risk that would require me to leave my comfort zone. It would require me to venture to a land that I have never been before with the possibility of being extremely successful one day, or a possibility of extreme failure. Just like the one that I was presented with quite a few years ago. Just like the opportunity that I wish I would have taken back then that is now extremely successful.

What would you do? Is it possible that I could be presented with two successful opportunities in my life? Am I really getting another chance? This comfort zone that I have. It would be no more. Which is the part that intrigues me. The challenge that sits in front of me is fascinating yet scares me to death.

A Little Explanation...

2010-08-31T16:42:00.003-06:00

Here I am. Staring at another blank page looking for some inspiration. I have it. Just not exactly sure how to write it all down.

In all honesty, life is good right now. I actually wrote a post while I was on the plane last week and I never got around to posting it...and it's weird how so much can change in a week. But, to sum up my post it went a little something like this... 1. Life happens, the less you worry about it is when the things you want to happen actually start happening. 2. Moving on has been hard, but events that have happened even in the last week will dramatically change my life forever 3. Excited to move on build new relationships with people that I am constantly coming in contact with 4. There is so much more out there for me 5. I went on this tangent about how relationships actually start...which I think is why I decided not to post it!!!

However, I think I should describe my tattoo a little more. Now that I am completely in love with it. It is Hebrew for "This Too Shall Pass" Pretty sure that if you read my blog you know how much this phrase actually means to me. And, it's weird because the damn things are addicting. I have them working on my next one already...and before Betch gets all in an uproar...let me tell you what it is going to be.

I have a few people that have made a positive impact on my life. Each one of these people are going to represented by a flower. I actually have a lot of people that have made a positive impact on my life...but I really had to draw the line somewhere or I wouldn't have any space left on my body! There are a total of 9 of them. When it is finished I will go into more detail on the flowers!

But, I just wanted you to know that life is good. Remaining positive is so important and surrounding yourself with the people that make you happy has helped me tremendously. There are days, and sometimes weeks when I find it really hard to do such simple tasks such as get out of bed. I need to constantly remind myself that life is worth living and there are good things to come, but better yet...there are good things now!

Don't Tell My Parents...

2010-08-17T15:23:00.003-06:00

I know I can't keep it secret forever. But, here is my new addition. It is looking pretty dirty and still in the healing process...and I have to go back to even it up a little!

Yes...I am still freaking out a little.

Wordle

2010-07-21T14:54:00.000-06:00

I did a Wordle on my blog. It was kinda fun.

Left or Right?

2010-07-12T13:05:00.003-06:00

I am an over-analyzer. I analyze every single situation and I want to know why people do the things they do. It's weird because a lot of the time I can never figure it out. I end up throwing my hands up in the air and tell myself "Everything happens for a reason." Whatever that reason is, I have no idea right now. But, eventually I will. It may not be right this instant. (Although instant gratification is nice) Sooner or later I will figure the reason for another ones actions that steered my life in a different direction.

I just find it odd how one persons decision (or my own) can alter your lives. I always wonder if people put as much thought into their actions, lives, or future as I do. Things like deciding to turn right or left. If I turn right I could end up getting stuck in traffic...versus if I turn left I would be fine. But ultimately I will end up in the same spot. (Or will I?) It is just mind boggling to me how one decision made in an instant impact on the rest of your life.

And...that is where my mind tends to hurt because I have over analyzed everything again! Sorry, I don't feel like I can go into a lot of detail. I will soon. Contemplating on going private so that I can. A lot of things going on in my life right now. This too shall pass.

The Secret Scrolls...

2010-06-30T11:01:00.002-06:00

I randomly get emails sent to me from The Secret, and this one could not have come at a better time. I thought that I would share it with you.

The fastest way to become the Master of your thoughts and emotions is through challenging situations. If your life is going along fairly smoothly, there are not the same opportunities that enable you to strengthen your power and become the Master of your thoughts and emotions.

You see, even challenges are beautiful opportunities in disguise.

May the joy be with you.

Road Construction

2010-06-28T14:29:00.002-06:00

I have been staring at a blank page for quite sometime now. I feel like I need to blog and get all this mush that most of us call thoughts that are going around in my head out. The problem is, I have no idea where to start, I don't know how much information I want to share, but I need to get it out.

When I first started this blog, no one read it. So, I didn't care about anyone's feelings. Now that I know who reads it, I tend to filter the things that I write. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. However, the reason for starting my blog was to have the chance to write down the things that were going on in my head so that they weren't churning around as thoughts anymore. So, I feel a small bit of a problem here.

When I last wrote about what was going on in my life, I talked about being in a fork in the road and I had to choose the direction that I needed to go. At this point in my life, I feel like I have started to head in that direction. But, that hasn't come without a few road blocks and construction...if I can put that ever so nicely. Relationships are not easy, moving on is not easy.

When I got divorced from the Mr. I had not been single since I was a sophomore in High School. It was a rude awakening for me. I literally did not know how to be single. It was something that I had to learn. I had to learn who I was. I had to be comfortable with having dinner by myself, not always having someone to talk to when I needed to tell someone a small little story, not having someone to kiss me goodnight, I needed to realize to be comfortable and independent. I realized that the kind of person that I need to be with is a person that compliments me as well as me them. They need to be just as independent as I have learned to be. I don't want this to be confused with that person not needing me for certain things, but being able to survive without it, just in case I am not always able to provide it.

Once again I have relied on my friends during this time in life. This time however is different, because I have a whole new set of friends to talk to. I have talked to many of them about the things that are going on in my life, taken their input and criticism constructively and I think that is why I am driving down the path and feeling pretty good about it.

I was talking to one of my really good friends the other day, and he looked me in the face and pointed out my independence and security (I have also discovered that this can be extremely intimidating). He looked at me and said "You need someone that challenges you." And ever since he told me that, I can't stop thinking about this. My first question is, how does one challenge another to create a healthy yet balanced relationship? Did I get bored because I was not being challenged? Am I going down this road to find someone who can challenge me? How do I challenge them in return?

It's weird how life has a way of working itself out. I know that it will. I can already see it happening, but I couldn't sit at the fork in the road forever. Although there may be some road barriers and construction that I have to get through, I feel pretty confident and content with the path that I have chosen. So, as I drive down the road...I think about the time when I was getting divorced and I was laying in my moms lap and crying and she said to me "This, too, shall pass" and I thought she was crazy. But it did. And this will too.

Happy Birthday Lovebug!!!

2010-05-21T17:19:00.003-06:00

Personalize a free digital slideshow

It makes me sad to say that it has been over a year since I have seen her. So sad I want to cry.

I want to say that I have blogged about this amazing person before. But, for the life of me, I can’t find it.

It all started one day in Junior High School. We were getting off the bus and I was crying. Rumor has it that I was crying because someone had called me a lesbian. (For unknown reasons, I don’t remember why I was crying). She had recently moved here from Texas and she came over and asked me if everything was ok. We were instantly friends. We hung out every day after school. She would come over to my house, we would eat an after school snack…or snacks in her case…and take an afternoon nap while watching Saved By the Bell.

We have definitely had our ups and downs. When we started getting older we would go through phases where we would be really good friends, and then we would go our separate ways, and then we would end up back together again, and then history would repeat itself over and over again.

I am think that I am safe to say that she is my longest, bestest friend in the whole entire world.

Let me tell you a little bit about her.

1. She is beautiful.
2. If you ever want the truth.
3. Just ask.
4. She will tell you.
5. She made me cupcakes for my 16th birthday.
6. Unfortunately, I only got a picture of them.
7. She was lacking a main ingredient, but attempted them anyway.
8. It’s weird. But, they didn’t turn out.
9. I still have the picture.
10. She gave me the nickname that I regularly go by today.
11. She can eat you under the table.
12. And she will always be skinnier than you.
13. So, don’t even try.
14. She helped me hide from my mom on many occasions during Junior High/High School.
15. There was one time in particular that I got busted.
16. I wasn’t really at her house.
17. She doesn’t do so well in limousines.
18. I’ll never forget the day we gave each other mammograms.
19. Neither will DGH.
20. I love doing bathroom photo shoots with her.
21. There was one time in particular that she came back in my life when I needed her the most.
22. I wish she knew how much I need her now.
23. She is genuine.
24. Thoughtful.
25. Frugal.
26. She can make anything from the thrift store look amazing on her.
27. Because she always looks amazing.
28. I can tell her anything.
29. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without her.
30. She has helped me through many tears.
31. Many smiles.
32. Both good and bad.
33. But mostly good.
34. Wendover trips are a good time with her.
35. Karaoke is a good time with her.
36. Retarded faces are a good time with her.
37. Lagoon is a good time with her.
38. Lake Powell is a good time with her.
39. Halloween parties…not so fun with her!
40. Steak nights are always a good time with her.
41. She’s been known to be a little flaky.
42. But, we’ll blame it on the blonde hair.
43. Kindhearted.
44. Talented.
45. Another person that if you don’t know.
46. You probably should.
47. But, good luck meeting up with her.
48. I’ve been on the waiting list for over a year!!!

Happy Birthday Lovebug! I love you more than life itself. And, I really, really, really do miss you and I would love to see you. My life is not the same without you in it. I hope that you are doing well and I hope that you are happy! Let’s get together soon!!!

Just Forget It...

2010-05-20T09:45:00.001-06:00

I recently said something the other day…and the more I think about it. The more confused even I am. And, it is one of those statements where I can’t retract myself. I can’t go back and say “Actually, what I really meant to say was this...” Without going all crazy bitch. I just don’t think it was interpreted the way I wanted it to be.

If someone told you that they want to be included, how would you interpret that? Yeah, I would think that they would want to be more involved and part of your everyday life and well…included. Yeah, I totally picked the wrong word out of the dictionary for that one. I think what I mean to say…and I think I said it and I should have shut-up after I said it…was I am fine. I am content with the way things are. I don’t want anything more, I don’t want anything less. Just forget the whole I want to be included thing. That was dumb. And I don’t do or say dumb things.

2010-05-20T09:04:00.001-06:00

At one of my last job assignments I was working at a computer that had the first picture(blacked out to protect the innocent). And…I was creeped out for a number of reasons. Let me explain.

1. I had a sneaky suspicion that these two are related.

2. But not by marriage.

3. Which could only explain one thing.

4. They are more than likely brother and sister.

5. I instantly felt really bad for them.

6. So, I busted out my phone and took a picture of their picture.

7. So that I could tell you about my story that probably relates to theirs.

Growing up, every few years we would go to a so called “professional” to get our family picture taken. Coming from a split household where his kids were his and her kids were hers and then there were ours, it was inevitable that my brother and I would end up getting our picture taken together. Just the two of us. And, it never failed that we would look like anything but brother and sister and I hated it.

I have provided our picture (unblocked, because we are totally guilty) I thought that I was the only one out there. I felt really bad for myself…until of course I came across this picture last week. Now, I don’t feel so bad.

These are the only pictures that I could find. But, I think you get the point…we are actually brother and sister, I promise.

The Truth...

2010-04-28T13:06:00.001-06:00

I’m driving down this road that we call life and I unexpectedly came to a fork in the road. It’s obvious that I have to go one way or the other. It’s kind of a big deal because the two roads don’t lead to the same place. So, here I am stopped…because I don’t know which way I should go.

It really is kind of funny because I thought that I knew exactly where I was going. I was happy, I had someone that cared about me, loved me and would do anything in the world for me. But, why am I feeling that this just enough? Could there possibly be more than someone who loves you beyond belief? I am proof that the song “All You Need Is Love” is completely wrong. The other problem that I am having is, I don’t know what it is that is missing. If you asked me, I would literally shrug my shoulders because I don’t have an answer for you. I have been looking for an answer for quite some time now, and I still don’t have one.

The Don always tells me that if we had all the answers, then life would be boring. And, I agree with him. But, a book with all the right answers would sure save a lot of tears and heartache. I promise that I would only take it out in time of need…such as this one.

So, I will continue to sit here at the fork in the road until I can figure out which route is going to be the best for me. I know that I will figure it out, I always have and I always will. It’s just the middle part of it all that sucks really bad. Mom always tells me that “This, too, shall pass.” That quote has never failed me. I think I might get it tattooed on my forehead…just so I don’t forget.

Happy Birthday Mama!!!

2010-04-13T16:16:00.001-06:00

Let me start from the beginning. Not the beginning of her life, but the beginning or our life together. It was actually on her birthday…The year of the Amberstonians. I was invited by DGH to go to her birthday party…minus the T-shirt. Little did I know how big of an outcast I would feel without a t-shirt on her birthday. It’s cool. I met her, and my first thought was “This girl is soooo out of my league.” There is nothing that we have in common, there is no way that we could ever be friends. But, I still had a great time. I remember asking her what it would take to become an Amberstonian…apparently I was willing to do anything, I was a desperate soul at the time.

A short time later I met up with her again on “Stinkin’ de Mayonnaise”…I still felt a little out of place, like I didn’t belong, but we hung out and we had an unforgettable night that we still talk about to this day.

And the rest is history…

If I can take a minute to explain this point in my life I would like to do so. I had just separated from Ex-Mr. I had a total of one…maybe two friends. My life was in shambles, I drank more than I ate and slept. If it weren’t for this amazing woman, I have no idea where I would be in my life right now. There are several things that you should know about her that I thought I would share.

1. She throws one hell of a birthday party.

2. T-shirts and everything.

3. She knows more people than I ever will come in contact with in my whole entire life. I don’t know how she keeps track of us all.

4. She is my personal fashion designer.

5. It’s obvious that we haven’t been hanging out lately, solely based on my wardrobe.

6. I have never met anyone more genuine.

7. And caring.

8. She taught me how to do what I call the “Arm’s Out Bitches!” When you take a picture.

9. It really does make you look thinner.

10. I really do say “Arm’s Out Bitches!” When I take a picture.

11. Sometimes I only say it in in my head…depends on who is around.

12. She loves her some gin.

13. She does an amazing grapevine.

14. We made up a dance for DGH once.

15. It consisted mostly of the grapevine.

16. Or is it the greatvine?

17. I don’t know. Tomato, tomato. (That doesn’t work as well when you are reading it)

18. Her two children are the most beautiful children ever.

19. Her MAC make-up collection puts mine to shame.

20. She kinda loves her some Depeche Mode too.

21. I honestly don’t know where I would be if she hadn’t have come into my life.

22. I have recently thought about what has been missing in my life.

23. It’s her.

24. If you don’t know her.

25. You probably should.

26. She is amazing.

27. I’m just sayin’

28. Have you ever sang karaoke with her?

29. She is someone that I know I can go to when I need someone to talk to.

30. She will always understand.

31. She will always have advice for me.

32. She will always lift me up.

33. Once a year she is my boss.

34. Have you ever been to a football game with her?

35. Probably not.

36. She vowed never to go again.

37. If you go…bring “Sprite”

38. Ever been to Gino’s with her?

39. If you go…bring a carpenter with you.

40. Ever been to $6 steak with her?

41. I wish I could tell you what to bring.

42. Lava Hot Springs?

43. Liquid Joes?

44. Circle Lounge?

45. The Mynt?

46. No?

47. You are missing out.

What can I say? She is pretty much amazing. She came into my life when I needed her the most and she has been there ever since. Although recently life has gotten in the way and we don’t see each other as often as I would like, we still remain in contact and I consider one of my bestest friends in the world. My life has forever changed because of her. I would get her name tattooed on my butt…that’s how much she means to me! Happy Birthday Mama! Let’s get together…because I have a whole bag of magnets for you.

My Spring/Summer To-Do List

2010-04-08T17:16:00.001-06:00

I can’t wait for the weather to get warm. Just when I think that it is going to warm up…it starts snowing again. Then we get another tease of warm weather…and then it snows again. It is supposed to be another really nice weekend…but I hesitate to get excited about it, because I don’t want the snow to ruin it for me again. I am just really tired of the snow. I need the sun in my life. I need it to maintain happiness. I need it to get out of this slump that I have been in.

I have been thinking of a Spring/Summer To-Do List, I am extremely motivated when the weather is warm. Maybe if I can get enough items accomplished this summer than I won’t feel so bad just hibernating for the Winter.

First thing is first, I am getting new carpet in the basement this weekend. I am pretty stoked about it. It is going to require a massive overhaul of the whole entire place. I have to move everything from one room while we carpet that room…and then when we are done in there we have to move it into the other room. So, since everything is going to be all in shambles, I have decided that I am going to just move it all around anyway. I am going to move my bedroom into the other room, move the computer to the other side of the house, the couch in the other room. It will be good. It will be like a brand new apartment. I can’t wait. And then when I don’t like it…I will just move it back to the way it was. Because that is the way that I roll.

I saw this commercial on TV the other day for a new kind of tape. It is supposed to be better than the blue tape that you use when you paint edges, but it’s green. And it is supposed to work better and not allow the paint to leak, soak through…blah blah blah. I am going to buy some and test it out. I tend to be a perfectionist when I do certain things, and when I painted last summer there are a few spots that are not so perfect. So, I am hoping that this green tape will be just the trick. I will let you know. That shouldn’t take me long. Just a day or so, it has been driving me nuts I just haven’t got around to fixing them!

I am going to once again tackle the garden this year. Since last year was my first year really ever having a garden. With weeds, flowers, and REAL tomatoes. I learned a lot. I am going to change it up a little this year and see if that improves. Not as much to tackle this year as far as the weeds go since we did so much last year, so it should be pretty simple. That will help out quite a bit.

I bought a bike last fall that I was only able to ride once or twice. Yeah…I want to ride it once or twice more.

I want to go camping, and boating and just be outside to enjoy the weather…if we EVER get nice weather.

Right now, I am just praying for nice, bearable weather.

Would you rather be going about your normal day naked or fall asleep for a year?

2010-04-07T14:45:00.001-06:00

I gave this one some thought. Although marching through my day naked would be pretty embarassing... If I slept for a whole year, I would miss a lot of shit... Compared to a days worth of embarassment.

Ask me anything

Would you rather snort half the pepper from a pepper shaker, or a live bee?

2010-04-07T14:43:00.001-06:00

The thought of a chunky live bee going through my nostril down my nasal cavity, further on down my throat into my stomach...really does not sound appetizing. I'll take the first option. Maybe I can start a new trend.

Ask me anything

Would you rather swim in a pool of human blood for an hour, or hang upside down for 8 hours?

2010-04-07T14:41:00.001-06:00

I would probably be swimming in my own pool of blood if I were hanging upside down for 8 hours. Just sayin'

Ask me anything

Would you rather publish your diary or make a movie on your most embarrassing moment?

2010-04-07T14:36:00.001-06:00

Probably make a movie...there are way too many moments. It would probably be a pretty good movie.

Ask me anything

Would you rather be 3 feet taller or 3 feet shorter?

2010-04-07T14:35:00.001-06:00

Oh dear. 3 feet taller would make me close to 9 feet tall...3 feet shorter would make me not even 3 feet tall... Not allowing me to ride rollercoasters, drive a car... But then I wouldn't have back problems, I could run away from sticky situations really fast, I could hide in the bushes and jump out and scare you, I can get up faster when I fall down.

I can't think of that Manu cool things to do if I were 9 feet tall....

Ask me anything

Would you rather smell like crap 24/7 or have no hands?

2010-04-07T12:59:00.001-06:00

Dude... If I had no hands... I would probably smell like crap anyway! But given that is not a fair answer, I am going to go with option B. No hands...although it would really suck to not be able to take care of myself. At least I would smell pretty!

Ask me anything

Would you rather have a ketchup - dispensing navel, or a pencil-sharpening nostril? (bahahhahahahahahhaha)

2010-04-07T12:55:00.001-06:00

Ketchup anytime I need it at the simple lift of my shirt. This question requires no thought whatsoever!!!

Ask me anything

Would you rather eat a bucket of monkey snot or slide down a razor blade slide and land in a pool of lemon juice?

2010-04-07T12:38:00.001-06:00

How big is this bucket of monkey snot??? Because the razor blade slide might leave some permanent damage and the lemon juice would burn right after!!! Totally going with the monkey snot!

Ask me anything

What is your favorite place you've gotten to visit for work?

2010-04-06T14:41:00.001-06:00

After you start going to all these places... They all start to mesh together and you remember bits and pieces from trips, but you can't remember who was with you, where you were... Or if you were on the same planet for that matter. And the other thing you have to remember is I am not on vacation... Often I go from work, to the hotel and back to work! However... What was the question? Oh yeah... Washington DC was probably one of my most favorite, then San Antonio, and then maybe Tampa.

Ask me anything

Who is your favorite sister....? :D

2010-04-06T14:36:00.001-06:00

Haha!!! This is a funny question because I find such unique qualities in all of my sisters. My oldest sister is just that...unique. And then my other step sister...although we don't share the same nerdy interests. I love her just the same. AND then my betchy sister...I have frown quite fond of the little thing. I want to wrap her up and put her in my bag and not let her out until she has learned everything that I had to learn the hard way in life. But...is she my favorite? Nah... We just get each other. If that makes any sense. I have two new sisters in my life... One I have had for 16 years but just recently met and one brand new one that we have tons o' fun together with! Yay for sisters!!!

Ask me anything

Everyone Else Is Doing It...

2010-04-06T11:10:00.002-06:00

We have been without internet at our house for almost a week now. It's weird because there are times where I would really like to have the internet, but most of the time I could really care less that I don't have it. Most of the times I would like it to make sure that I am not missing anything on my Cafe World in the social networking part of my life.

And the other part where I don't need the internet. I have my phone for, so I haven't missed it all that much. But, the dude is coming today so life will be able to continue under normal circumstances.

On that same note. I have joined several "social networking" sites. At least that is what my internet blocker at work calls them.

The first one is Foursquare. And, I have to tell you this story. When I told Bitch about it and that she needed to join so that I could have more friends and know where she was at all times. She thought that I was asking her to join an actual Foursquare league. You know, like the foursquare that we used to play in elementary school. After a little bit of explaining, I told her that it this cool new app on my phone that MUST be government controlled that tracks where I am at all times of the day. I get points for going new places, I get badges for going to new places, and if I go to the same place a lot then I can become the mayor of places. I am pretty stoked about it. You should try it.

The next one that I am recently trying is Formspring. Yeah, you can ask me anything. You can tell me who you are, or you don't have to...it's cool. I will answer it. I just started it...and I am not sure if I like it or not. I don't like the fact that I don't know who is asking the question. But...I simply did it because everyone else is doing it. So....duh. Why wouldn't I?

formspring.me

2010-04-05T20:45:00.001-06:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ineffably

Really? Just Water?

2010-03-23T19:44:00.003-06:00

Here I am. Sitting in a hotel room. Again. Weird. This trip isn't going to be so bad, I will already be flying home soon.

So, since our Biggest Loser at work is almost done and I am literally sliding into home base trying to be the winning point we had this great idea to do the Lemon Water Cleanse/Detox. HAHA! My boss did it a few months back and she dropped 8-10 pounds in just a few days. So. Here is our team, trying to drop mega pounds in just a short amount of time. I guess whether I keep it off, I don't really care. Of course, I am going to keep up my lifestyle of eating good that I have maintained since I started this and continue to lose weight. It's just this whole competition of trying to drop pounds by Friday makes me laugh.

So, needless to say...all day I have eaten nothing. But. I have drank lots of water....with lemon. And, I don't feel hungry. But, it is my first day and I think that tomorrow is going to be worse. But, the best part of it all is that I don't have to do this for an extended period of time. It's only for three days...and I am 1 day in.

I had to go to the store when I got here to buy all of my supplies. (Lemon and water) and it was funny because there was a 60 year old man that had a shopping cart of EXACTLY THE SAME items as I did. Of course there are a few other ingredients that my maid probably has never seen in a hotel room before, such as maple syrup and a lemon juicer. But....whatever.

GO TEAM!

As of Lately...

2010-03-15T20:41:00.000-06:00

Haha…you thought I was going to be back from my bloggy break! Little did I know that my life was going to be so hectic that all I feel like doing is sleeping. I have been on the road for pretty much 2 weeks straight, I just got back in the office this week…and much to my dismay THEY BLOCKED BLOGGER FROM OUR INTERNET!!! What the hell am I supposed to do with my day while I am at the office now? If I wasn’t writing on my blog, then I was surely reading someone else’s.

So, it is time to revamp my whole entire life schedule.

Literally.

I started with the way that I sleep. And, you may laugh at me…but I downloaded this app to my phone that monitors the way that I sleep and based on my movements at night it knows where I am at in my sleep process (light sleep or deep sleep) and does its best to wake me up when I am in my light sleep. They say that if you wake up in your light sleep then you wake up feeling more refreshed then when you are in your deep sleep. The app then creates a scale of what sleep you were at what time of night. It is actually kind of interesting. I spent hours yesterday trying to find something bad about it yesterday…and I couldn’t. I was worried that with the dog and a Boy sleeping next to me if it would register their movements, and it has a test that I can measure. And, if A Boy jumps up and down it measures his movements. If he jumps up and down at night, I can guarantee that he will be sleeping on the demon couch and I won’t have to worry about this problem anymore. HOWEVER, the problem that I am having is that for obvious reasons it doesn’t have a snooze button. I LOVE THE SNOOZE BUTTON!!! So, I have yet to perfect the time that I want to wake up. The alarm can wake you up within a half hour period of when you set it. And…yesterday I jumped right out of bed and felt wonderful. Today…I turned it off and went right back to sleep because it went off in the earlier part of the half hour and I knew that I had another half hour to sleep. Meh…trial and error. Anything to help this grogginess that I have been feeling.

Secondly, I feel like I live in a barn. Yeah, it sounds gross. But it’s true. It doesn’t matter how much laundry I do, how many times I scrub the toilet…I can turn around and it is dirty again. I am just as much to blame as The Dog and A Boy…but for the love of God…if you see something that doesn’t belong…can you just pick it up, wipe it up or put it away??? That is all I ask!

Thirdly, it’s not that things are dirty. They are just cluttery. (Which is totally not a word) I need to organize, de-clutter, and not be so cluttery. My problem is the last time I tried to de-clutter…I end up throwing away things that probably shouldn’t be thrown away and I end up needing them down the road.

Fourthly, (hey…I was on a roll) I really want a treadmill. I know what you are thinking. But, I would totally use it. Even though I have absolutely no space for one. But, I refuse to buy one until I can pay cash for it.

Fifthly, I will be happy when this whole Biggest Loser thing is over. I thought that it would be really fun. But…as soon as I found out that someone was pretty much cheating. I lost all motivation. I thought that competing against other people would be more of a motivator for me…but I don’t really know what I am competing against anymore because people are too embarrassed to tell their weight, so that has kind of taken the fun out of it. No one knows who is on what team and it was nothing like I had imagined. I am proud of myself for losing what I did. And, I will continue to lose as much as I can for the next two weeks because I won’t let my team down. I was just hoping that it would have been different.

Sixthly, (haha! Good one) I don’t have a sixthly. I just wanted to write it.

Back From My Bloggy Break...

2010-02-20T21:15:00.004-07:00

The reason that I originally started this blog was to help me write down some of my thoughts that were rapidly running through my brain a million miles an hour when I was going through a particular tough time in my life. It acted as a journal of sorts. I didn't care if anyone read it or not, but if people wanted to read it, they were more than welcome to. I had nothing to hide. I was separated from my husband at the time, we got back together...and then I bloggity blogged my way through a much needed divorce. It was an out for me. It was a stress reliever, it was a motivator, it was a place where I could write down a list of things that I needed to do, whether it was something I needed to accomplish that day, or sometime in my lifetime.

Lately, I have felt like I can't blog unless my story has some sort of content or purpose. And truth be told, I miss blogging. I miss telling no one that I need to stop at the store and buy eggs on my way home from work. There was something about telling the internet that if I needed to do something, it gave me motivation to actually do it. I haven't been doing that, and I am going to start again. My life has been busy with work and travel, but when I am not doing that, I am home and extremely unmotivated and I not happy about my current lack of motivation. I am going back to the original purpose of this blog, and that was for me.

I have started many posts, I have just failed to press the publish button. I suppose that I will get around to it in the near future. I am tired of being on a bloggy break!

I am in San Antonio this week with many of my co-workers. It sure helps when you have travel companions. You have someone to eat with and socialize with amongst your everyday activities. It's almost like being at home!

So here I am! It's good to be back! Please don't judge if I tell you I need to walk the dog, or stop and get eggs. It's just what I do.

Just Random

2010-01-12T12:40:00.003-07:00

I am going to do another one of those posts of random thoughts. I have a lot of them...and I know they are your favorite!!!

We started a sort of Biggest Loser at work. Except we don't call it the Biggest Loser, and it's like this top secret thing because someone fat got all offended and our work didn't want to be anyway associated with it. So we are some sort of Chub Club now.
I have never consumed more broccoli in one week in my whole entire life.
I like my scale at home better.
It says I weigh one pound less than the one here at work.
I figured out why I want to stay in bed all day everyday. It is because the air quaility in the Salt Lake Valley is so unhealthy to breathe in. I am better off just staying home in my warm bed then risking going outside and inhaling that second hand breath of not so fresh air.
It really is horrible.
I really spent about 4 days straight in bed.
I had the worst headache.
And a really bad backache.
I was convinced that it was kidney failure.
But then someone convinced me that I was just being dumb.
It still kinda hurts.
But it is getting better.
I am still mad at the T-shirt Nazi.
I hate it when people get under my skin like that.
I considered writing a letter to UDOT this morning about the new lane drawings when you are getting off the exit on 90th South.
I still might.
I want nothing more than to go home and lay in my bed.
I was up at 7:00 this morning.
But I didn't get out of bed until 9:00
Nothing is wrong with me.
I just really like my bed.
It's warm.
Outside is not.
I can't wait until Spring.
School was cancelled somewhere in the Southeast because their temperatures reached a freezing 35 degrees!!!!
That wasn't even our high yesterday.
And I still had to go to work.
After next week, I will be living out of a hotel for the next three months.
Or more.
People keep coming up with their "word" for 2010
My word?
Decrease.
I want to decrease on everything in my life.
It makes sense if you think about it.
Stress, fat, junk, dirt, debt...
It is perfect for me.
The problem is, I have decreased some things that shouldn't be decreased.
Like my ambition.
Motivation.
Meh...I still like it.
I will make it work for me.
Have I mentioned that I have DECREASED my intake of Diet Coke and INCREASED my water intake?
I have peed three times today.
It is barely noon.
Have I mentioned that I have DECREASED my going out and just stayed at home? It has definitely INCREASED my television watching ability.
I am now a fan of The Bachelor, The Biggest Loser and I can't wait for American Idol...
I have DECREASED my social status at least 12 notches.
If not more.
Did I mention that because of all the broccoli I have consumed...I lost something like 5.2 pounds in a week.
I am sure that I have lost more than that.
I have taken a liking to turkey burgers.
All that yummy goodness.
Not so much with cabbage.
As much as the cabbage soup is...
I can only eat it in small quantities.

That is about as random as it gets kids.

2009 In Review

2010-01-06T12:18:00.003-07:00

It's the beginning of the year. I feel like I need to make a resolution. But, it's weird...this year I have absolutely no resolutions. Which means that I have no resolutions to fail miserably at. It will be wonderful. Less stress for me. However, I thought I would sum up my year for you.

January: I was extremely ill...yet very happy at the same time. Weird.

February: I got in a fight with a really close friend...which I haven't talked to since, and I haven't missed her one bit.

March: I became Nyquil dependent again and it seems like there was a birthday every day!

April: I visited the fine state of Vermont.

May: It was summer! I went to California and we went camping...it was wonderful. And we had a visitor for a couple of weeks. I also created a wishlist...I will have you know that I have received all but one thing on my wishlist!

June: I made a bucket list! I visited Niagara Falls, MJ died and I remodeled my kitchen.

July: I met my long lost sister.

August: Absolutely nothing. OH WAIT! Someone thought I looked like a Kardashian.

September: We got robbed, I got my first tattoo, visited Texas and Iowa.

October: It was my birthday month. I went to New York.

November: I went BACK to Texas.

December: I tried to be really positive about Christmas. I think it sort of worked.

And, that's it folks. I can't believe how fast 2009 went by. It seems like when you travel for a living you live your life from one travel trip to the next...which makes life go much quicker. I need to find a way to slow that down. Because if that is the case...then I am already through March. Scary.

1 MORE DAY!!!

2009-12-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

The absolute most memorable memory (memorable memory??) that I have of Christmas is Christmas Eve. It has always been a tradition that my mom's side of the family...aunts, uncles, cousins...all get together. We have dinner, we draw names for presents, we have a pinata, and we just hang out. We have always been a pretty close family.

We would draw names earlier in the month between the cousins so that we could buy each other gifts. As the night went on we would all sit in a circle and by age we would go around and open our gift. I was always second to last...until of course I was 10 years old and then Betch came around...and then I was third to last. Nevertheless we would open our presents one by one while the rest of us watched.

My mother being the school teacher that she was had always planned some sort of presentation for us to give that had to do with Christmas. Please see photo above...and pay no particular detail to my hair. It was totally the style back then!

We loved Christmas Eve. And then we all grew up. And we all started having babies...and it seems now that some of our babies started having babies. But...that isn't the case yet. However it has come to the point where we have outgrown this tradition. It has come to the point where we have attempted everything in the book. We have dropped the name drawing and just brought White Elephant gifts instead. We have brought in Santa Claus for the younger kids in hopes to keep them entertained...because it has been a whole entire year since we have seen each other and we need time to catch up. In all reality it is utter chaos!

So, this year we aren't doing that. I am sad, but glad in a way. We are starting a new but old tradition. This time with a new generation. This time I am the aunt (maybe I will have kids to add in the mix one day). It will be weird to not have everyone there until midnight. It will be nice to be able to go to bed before the sun comes up.

DO NOT FRET JUST YET!!! We are all still getting together. We have planned a get together this year a week or so before Christmas. It just involves dinner and Santa. No gift trading, no White Elephants...just dinner. WAIT! We have invited aunt J two hours early...just so that she will make it on time. After 30 years of this tradition...I think we have her figured out...I think.

2 More Days Left!!!

2009-12-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today is my sisters birthday so today is going to act as a double post. A Christmas memory and a shout out to her! I always felt bad for her that her birthday was so close to Christmas. She definitely got the raw end of the deal because people would always give her a gift and then say...

"Here Honey...here is your Christmas AND your Birthday present. Have a good one!"

But...here are some thing that you should know about my fabulous sister!

She is an animal lover.
She has two of those weird hairless cats.
She is actually my step-sister. But, my sister nonetheless.
We used to play Barbies when we were little until wee hours in the morning. And...I don't think we stopped playing them until we were at least in High School.
Every dollar we earned at home, we would make the long journey to Wal-mart to spend.
I spent mine on Barbie paraphenalia.
Sometimes she did.
Occasionally she would buy Littlest Pet Shops.
Her socks never match.
She sells toys on Ebay.
I heard a rumor that she got kicked out of our local thrift store once.
She loves to go to garage sales.
She loves to take pictures.
One day she took it upon herself to compile all of the family photos together and post them on Flickr.
She has only just begun the year 1999 and I think she is up to about 20,000
I wonder if she regrets that task yet???
She is one of the three family members that I know of that faithfully reads my blog.
She is a geek. In the techy, trekky, science fiction sort of way.
So is her husband.
But we still love them.

Happy Birthday!!!

3 More Days Left!!!

2009-12-22T11:00:00.001-07:00

I am torn on which day to post this post. Because they both fall on Christmas Eve...but I guess it doesn't really matter either way.

Every year on Christmas Eve my mom used to always let us open ONE gift early. And, of course she got to pick out what gift it was. And, of course...that gift was always PAJAMAS! We knew it. We looked forward to it every single year!

I have the best Santa EVER!

4 More Days!!!

2009-12-21T13:03:00.004-07:00

Rumor has it that my Christmas List was of no use to you because all of my gifts were only available online...and Christmas is only 4 DAYS AWAY!!!

Ok, ok...I understand. Here is another list of items that I wouldn't throw away or re-gift if you gave them to me.

Noise cancelling headphones- A little on the pricey side, but I have heard they are heavenly when you are on the airplane. However...I want to avoid bulkiness when traveling...so I don't want the big ones, but the buds don't fit in my ear. I am looking for ones that maybe wrap around your ear???
I just got one of those cute little Netbooks...and it is lacking a case. I'm just sayin'
If you can't find the iPhone gloves. I am sure that your local Wal-mart would have something that like this...where I can cover and un-cover my fingers whenever necessary to talk on the phone.
I would NEVER turn down a new fancy cover for my purse...or a cute lil' organizer for all the ones I got!

Please just keep in mind that Santa is poor this year, and probably isn't getting anyone a whole lot of anything...and that includes you!

Haha...hope this helps!

5 More days!

2009-12-20T14:24:00.001-07:00

My dad calls it being festive. It is about the only thing festive that he does. I love Eggnog. But, I probably wouldn't love it as much if it were around all year long. This year I have enjoyed it in my Starbucks latte. And...that's about it. But that is not to say that I couldn't drink it by the gallon full! However...I am not quite as "festive" as my father when it comes to his eggnog!

6 More Days...

2009-12-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

How can a Christmas Bonus not put you in the Christmas spirit???

My List...7 More Days.

2009-12-18T09:48:00.014-07:00

I want you to know that I have been thinking long and hard about my Christmas list. The problem is, I go to the store and if there is something there that I want...I buy it. Leaving one less thing for you to get me. Therefore leaving it up to you to find something that I might like. So, here I have put together a list of things that I may or may not want for Christmas!

Body Bug

I know, it looks silly. But, if they use it on the Biggest Loser then is has to work right? And...I have heard they work. I have heard true testimony from people I personally know!!! You can get it here.

Magic Bullet

I am not sure what I would put in them. Maybe a burrito? I just really want one. I think you can get them here too.

Microwaveable S'more Maker

You are telling me that I don't have to go camping to have a s'more? I'm in! I can stick this little doo dad in my microwave and I have a s'more in 30 seconds. AND...according to the infomercial. I am not just limited to s'mores! I can put a burrito or something in there too!!! You can get them here. (Please know that I KNOW you get 2 for the price of one!!! I want them both!)

Flip Flop Socks

This idea is truly amazing. I am one of those people that wear their flip-flops ALL YEAR long...and this would work out perfect! This year has been a little chilly. Please note...these are different than those individual toe socks...those are gross. You can find them here. FYI. I would not turn down anyything from this website.

iPhone Gloves

Last year I actually cut out the finger and thumb on my glove...WHAT? Why did I not get a patent on my idea? Because now I am asking for them for Christmas!!! Great minds think alike I suppose. I am not picky at where you pick these up from. I just want some cute ones.

George Foreman Griddle/Grill All in One

A George Foreman that has a griddle attached??? That is pure genius. I LOVE my George Foreman. And I have wanted a griddle for sometime now...but if I could have both at the same time. I am not quite sure what I would do with myself. It would be pure heaven. Target has these!

Dyson

Not like I would ever use it. But, I really want one of these. I am sooo, tired of pet hair everywhere. This claims to do the trick. Every store has these!

Furminator

Speaking of getting rid of dog hair. This might be a really good addition to our home. Probably more of a Christmas gift for The Dog than for me. It removes 90% of dog hair!!! Wow, I have always wanted a bald dog. Oh wait...I read that wrong. It removes shedding by 90% That would still be awesome. You can get it here.

Snuggie

I think this one is pretty self explanatory, and might be on everyone else's list. I don't care if we all have the same thing. It's cool. You can get it here.

I saw one of these when we were visiting Swiss Days and I instantly fell in love with utensil jewelry. The one that I saw was extremely expensive. I found a couple of websites that are quite a bit cheaper than what I saw there. Like here. But in all seriousness Me+Forks=True Love. And, if you want to save on shipping...I really like spooning too. In other words, I really want one of the spoon rings to go with my fork bracelet!!!

And these are AMAZNG...I am obsessed. If you come over and I don't have silverware...it's because I am wearing it in my ears. I found these on Etsy.

That is all that I have for you for now. I hope that I was of some assistance. I do want you to know that it took EVERY FIBER in my body to not order some silverware jewelry. I'm just sayin'. Even if I don't get it for Christmas...that's fine. I will be ordering it the next day. Because that is how I roll.

I'm Just Sayin' 9 More Days

2009-12-16T12:33:00.002-07:00

It's about this time of year when I am ready for it to be over! I avoid the mall at all costs for more than one reason. Traffic, too many people, and I usually end up spending more money on myself than anyone else (one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me) Grrr...

Work is extremely boring...it's that time of year where nobody wants to start on any big projects, or any projects until the first of the year. So, I sit here. However, after the first of the year I will be wishing that I could just sit here and do nothing. I.will.be.busy.

A guy at our office has had the crupe for months now. We are trying to think of a way to politely ask him to get it checked out. He coughs NONSTOP!!! At first it was just here and there. You would think that he would get over it in a week or so. IT IS GETTING WORSE!!! It isn't just one of those itty bitty coughs. It is high pitched and obnoxious...and did I mention it is NONSTOP!!! We offered him some cough drops yesterday, but apparently he already has a whole entire bag of them. Part of me wants to feel really bad for him, because now he knows that he is driving people nuts. Have you ever tried to hold your coughs in? It hurts. Have you ever had a cough for a really long time? It hurts. I can't imagine how his body feels. But please! For the love of GOD go and get the shit checked out!!!

I was criticized for my choice in outfit today. I was told that brown and gray do not go together. Well...let me tell you that I immediately consulted two of my homo's AND my fashion consultant and was told that they DO in fact go together. (These people also would NOT lie to me just to make me feel better) I texted pictures of today's outfit and it has been confirmed that I am in fact OK. Brown and gray are worn all the time together, because they are both a neutral color it is perfectly fine that I am wearing them together. And that because I wore the brown boots as my accent color, it was a PERFECT combination! I knew that my fashion sense had not let me down today. So there. If you need my fashion consultants number, I would be more than happy to give it to you.

I also learned today that it's not white pants you can't wear after Labor Day. It's white shoes (Tennis shoes excluded...a girls gotta hit the gym). Hmmm....who knew?? Good thing I don't own any white shoes so I can't get criticized for that one.

I also learned that...there aren't any fashion rules anymore. If you can wear the shit, feel comfortable and it looks cute...then it is in style. Sweet. That pretty much brings back in style half the shit in my closet!

I had a dream last night that A Boy FINALLY conquered the Mobsters game on Facebook and he could finally stop playing it. I was ECSTATIC!!!! Unfortunately I woke up and realized that it was just a dream. That game NEVER ends. I would like to meet the inventer of that game and personally ring their neck. Because I am sure that I have no idea what life was like prior to it. It takes up any and all free time that we currently have...oh and the space in between that time. It's horrible. It will be the death of me...or rather him.

I can't stop thinking about TrueBlood. The books or the series. My life has been consumed by them. When I am not reading the books I am watching the series. When I am not watching the series I am reading the book. I didn't start reading the books until last week or so. I am already on the fifth book. And, I didn't want to start watching the series until I had read far enough into the books that it wouldn't ruin the books for me. A Boy calls them my Harlequin Vampire novels. They are great!

There you have it. I had to get it off my chest. I am sure that there is a lot more to come.

10 Days!

2009-12-15T15:18:00.002-07:00

It's a tradition that every year we take the Trax downtown and see the Christmas lights. Temple Square always has the most amazing light decoration. Whether you are of the LDS faith or not, it is always fun to go down and walk around Temple Square. And then sometimes we would go shopping, get something warm to drink and just enjoy the scenerey.

We were going to go this weekend, but the weather was below freezing temperatures and decided against it. So, we decided to go here instead. I could stay in the comfort of my own car and watch the lights. He has them designed where you tune the radio to 99.9 and listen to music as the lights go in and out to the beat of the music, Santa dances in the window. Lighted men are talking...it was amazing how he could program all of this. And also amazing that I could enjoy this and still enjoy the warmth of my seat warmers in my car. I highly recommend this for someone who is looking for something to do this holiday season. It only takes a few minutes of your time!

12 Days of Christmas...

2009-12-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

Coming from a split household I had to attend several Christmas parties every year. And, I know that sounds rough...but sometimes it is.

There is one Christmas party that wasn't so rough...this one in particular was one that took all year to prepare for. One that the gift you brought you thought about what you were going to bring all year long.

We were required to bring a White Elephant Gift every year. I was too little to remember when this tradition started...but if I can put it to you nicely...the nastier the better.

There was one year that I received said White Elephant Gift (granted I was VERY young and emotional...as opposed to now...I am very old and emotional) but I opened the gift and I just started crying. I am not sure what I was expecting...but I wanted something better than what I got.

Examples of such gifts might include: The Stanley Steemer (a made up piece of dog poo that seemed to make it's way back year after year), a bubble gum machine with chewed up bubble gum, toe nail art, belly button lint, a manure hamburger, and the list goes on and on.

So, I must say...one of my most memorable Christmas moments. But for very different reasons.

13 Days Left!!!

2009-12-12T12:42:00.001-07:00

Wanna know the best/worst gift you can give a person???

A Dog.

Wanna know why?

Because they are soooo cute when they are cuddly and little. They aren't so cute when they poop on your floor. They are so cute when they snuggle next to you and snore. They are not so cute when they chew everything in site. They are so cute when they swim in the water and collect rocks. They are not so cute when they get in the garbage can. They are so cute when you have no one else in the world but them. They are not so cute when they are hogging the whole entire bed, snoring louder than grandpa does and all you want to do is sleep, and they just want to be right next to you. They are so cute when you are leaving for a trip and they get in your bag because they know you are leaving and they don't want you to go anywhere. They are not so cute when you have to buy 50 pounds of dog food every month. They are so cute when you get home from work and they are soooo excited to see you. They are not so cute when you have to vacuum every other day to keep all the black hair away. They are so cute when they lay next to you on the couch...all 90 pounds of them. They are not so cute when they like to watch television more than you do. They are so cute when they like to watch television more than you do. They are not so cute when they eat macadamia nuts. They are so cute when all they want is to be loved.

I received this one year as a Christmas Gift. BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER!!!

14 Days Left...

2009-12-11T16:40:00.002-07:00

I used to be a really good Christmas shopper. I was the one that had the really cute gift baskets that had everything in common. I did all of my fathers Christmas shopping for him because he was somehow incompetent to do it all on his own. There was one year where I had 30 gift baskets full of wine, glasses and crackers. I was tying bows and ribbons until wee hours in the morning. It was horrid.

Last year he thought it would be a really good idea for me to MAKE blankets for two of his really good friends. He was ready to walk out the door to go to Christmas dinner with them...and I was still sewing. Because it's not like I could just tie a few knots in the blankets and they were done. They happened to be extremely time consuming blankets. And did I mention that I had to make two of them for him?? Oh wait...three. I might as well make one for their neighbors little girl as long as I was making blankets.

But, I think that he is growing out of that stage. This year...I don't think I have to buy anything for him! What? Has he lost all of his friends or is he just doing it himself? I am almost lost as to what my job duties are as a daughter. I am kind of sad that I don't have to tie a bow or make a blanket...or SOMETHING!

15 Days to go...

2009-12-10T10:24:00.005-07:00

When I was in Elementary school my brother's 3rd grade teacher...who was also my grandma's neighbor...and my aunt's co-worker. Therefore, she was a really good friend of the family's.

Every year for Christmas she would make my brother and I an ornament. It was ceramic. White ceramic with just a tint of color located somewhere. On the back of it was our name written in gold lettering with our name and the year that she made it for us. I remember them being such figures as lambs, and other such animals. (Really a lamb is all that is sticking out in my head at the moment)

Her name was Mrs. Watts. (Thanks mom)

Although they no longer hang on our Christmas tree every year because they do not go with the decor. I am assuming that my mom would not throw them away. After all, Mrs. Watts did make them especially for us!

16 Days Left...

2009-12-09T12:57:00.002-07:00

We have a park by our house that has a really big hill. It was the BEST sledding hill ever. It was really close to home and before I was afraid of the cold and afraid to walk we would go there all of the time. It was amazing. Of course you had to walk up the hill once you went down, but it was fun all the same.

Now, they have those cool hills that you just hook your tube up to the rope and you sit in your tube and it will pull you up. Why didn't they think of that when I was little?

17 More Days...

2009-12-08T09:38:00.001-07:00

I failed. Epic fail. I apologize. I didn't get out of bed all day yesterday. My head was about to burst. Another reason that I love this wonderful season. I really could get in bed starting the middle of November and never get out until the middle of January. And...I would be just fine with that. But none the less...I did think about posting...until my head was going to fall off. But, I am back.

19 Days...

2009-12-06T12:26:00.001-07:00

Oh how I hate the snow! And...I think I know why. Please refer to the picture below.

Although I don't remember being poor as a child...apparently we were. Too poor to buy gloves because my sister and I were lacking them. And...my brother and sister are wearing SOCKS WITH HOLES IN THEM!!!

And...not too mention, we never had a normal snowman. In the movies you always saw snowmenn with carrot noses and corncob pipes and buttons noses. Oh no...not ours. We had plastic hearts, yellow blobs and WE WERE FREEZING OUR ASS OFF!!!

20 Days...

2009-12-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

So, you caught me. I think one of my most favorite things about Christmas is the songs. I love everything about them. BUT...I like it when people remake the old Classics.

21 Days...

2009-12-04T10:03:00.004-07:00

Every year we always get together (more on that later) but for this particular party we have a pinata. Who knows when or why this tradition started. But, one year my brother decided that he wanted to make the pinata. So, he started making the pinata out of balloons and that messy stuff. And, then he started painting the pinata. Before you know it we were smashing pumpkins. I know that it sounds weird to be smashing pumpkins on such a holiday. But, I think that it has to do with my brothers recent obsession with that particular band at that moment. And, once he got done attaching all of the balloons together. It just looked like a pile of pumpkins. I know that I have a picture of this pinata. I just haven't yet located it. I promise as soon as I find it...I will post a picture. I promise.

22 More Days...

2009-12-03T09:00:00.002-07:00

My Favorite Christmas movie ever.

And, lucky for me it is on television for the next 5 days. Continuously. I realized last night after watching it that I do not own a copy. I also realized that there is some adult humor that I don't think I fully understood when I was little. Maybe it was because I wasn't an adult. It was like I ws watching it all over again for he first time. I just might go home and continuously watch it again tonight. I can't wait.

23 More Days...

2009-12-02T07:07:00.004-07:00

I am not able to put an age stamp on this one. I am going to say maybe 10, it's possible that I was younger. When is it that girls like dolls? When is it that girls still like dolls but are able to give them up for their Teddy Ruxpin? I think it was around the same time frame.

Well...this particular Christmas I remember that my mother came up to us and said that if we were going to get new toys for Christmas then we had to do an overhaul of all of our old toys.

WHAT?!!

Get rid of our toys?? That is unheard of! But, we did it. I went through each toy, one by one. I analyzed which toy, doll, Barbie, oh wait...I wasn't parting with Barbies...that wasn't until like High School. But, nevertheless I went through each article of playtime activity and decided what I couldn't live without and threw it in the trash bin. I was sad.

There was one particular doll that I remember. I remember her because I cut her hair myself. But, I had made the decision that she didn't have anymore hair for me to cut that it was time for her to go.

Well...Christmas morning came and it was time for us to visit all of our family and friends. And as we pulled up to one persons house in particular (I am going to be particular about naming names here to protect the innocent). One of my really good friends came running out of the house holding a doll. Her hair had been cut precisely how I would have cut it. I looked at my mom. At first I was pissed and I thought. "How dare you give my doll to her?" But then when I saw her come out of that house, and I realized that best thing she received that Christmas was my old raggety doll...I wasn't so pissed anymore.

And, as I go through life and I think about the way that I felt that day. I think about how I would have felt as I was going through my toys that day if my mom would have told me that these toys were for donation. For those little kids that don't have the experience like I have always had of getting a Christmas. Would I have still given up that doll? Would I have still given up half the things I did? Would I have given more?

Now...remember that this story was a long, long time ago. I don't mean to get all mushy on you. And, it may not have been anything like that. But, that is exactly how I remember it. And even if that is not what happened, I don't want to know. Because I learned a lot that day. Of course it wasn't until later in life that I realized it.

To this day I always try to donate every year. I hate buying presents, but when it comes to the kids who really appreciate the meaning of it all. I really have no problem...because that is what it should be about.

Dear Person Who Stole MY Can Opener,

2009-12-01T14:52:00.003-07:00

Dear Person Who Stole MY Can Opener at Work,

Really? A Can Opener? I personally brought that can opener from home because the other one is shitty and it doesn't perform it's job function. In other words, IT DOESN'T OPEN CANS!!! So, I sacrificed my dollar store can opener. In other words, I PAID ONE DOLLAR FOR IT!!! And brought that can opener to work, because it actually works. It has performed its job duties up to par.

Apparently you must have thought so as well. BECAUSE IT IS GONE! You obviously noticed the difference between the good one dollar can opener, and the shitty expensive can opener. Because you took the good one. Mine.

Did you need it over the Thanksgiving weekend to open your Cranberry sauce and you just forgot to bring it back? If that is the case, then I will forgive you. But, I really, really, really need it. Otherwise...how am I supposed to eat? I will go hungry. Do you understand the urgency in this matter? I will give you until the end of this week to return it, after that. I will report you to the authorities. This is theft and I will not tolerate it.

Love,
Ineffably

24 Day's Til' Christmas...

2009-12-01T14:00:00.007-07:00

It's true. We are on the countdown to Christmas. As much as I hate it, I am going to try and make the most of it. And...as crappy of a blogger as I have been lately...I am going to do my countdown with 25 memories of Christmas!

Here goes!

I remember A LONG time ago when my brother got THE VERY FIRST one of these from Santa:

Everyone was excited. We had Mario Bros. And Duck Hunt! It was super cool!

And I got THIS!

*I'll change the title...but I am not changing the picture!!!

Another Dream...

2009-12-01T13:31:00.005-07:00

Just when I thought my dreams couldn't get ANY better...I go back to sleep and I have another one.

The other night I had a dream that I was playing softball. But, we didn't have a ball so we were playing with cans of food...you know like refried beans and tuna fish. It didn't work out to our advantage. But, it was fun.

But, last night was the best. David Letterman called me to be on his show!!! For Reals!!! It was a total surprise for me too. But, when I got there and I was standing there on his stage, all of the sudden the curtains opened and my car was there (you know the car I am talking about, the one I love to hate!) and it was all dirty like it is now...and he announced to me that he was going to pay off my car!!! Can you believe it?? I was so excited!! I sat there in his chair and I was telling him about my life, and where I was from...and he just loved me. He loved me so much that he hired me to be a part of his show. Like that dude that works in the pizza shop that he frequently talks to, or his mom. Except he visits me in Salt Lake City via...and I take him to random places in Salt Lake...and I am all of the sudden funny.

The problem with this is that these dreams are extremely exhausting! I wake up from them and every singly muscle in my body is tense, and I am sweating because these dreams are so intense. So, needless to say...I wake up feeling like I did not get any sleep at all. It's horrible.

My Other Dream...

2009-11-24T06:36:00.002-07:00

I had another dream last night that I thought was worth mentioning. It might have something to do with my millions that I am going to make!!! I had the ability to alter peoples brain function. And, I am going to tell you how I did. All I did was pop open your head and stick pieces of bread in places where I knew I didn't want you to think certain things. It was that simple!!!

(Please don't ask me why I am having these dreams lately. I am hoping that they will go away soon and my life will return back to normal.)

It's About That Time...

2009-11-23T13:38:00.007-07:00

So, just in time for Thanksgiving...I thought I would get around to posting my Halloween pictures. That's right folks... I'M THAT FAR BEHIND!!! I'm sorry. But, these are totally worth mentioning.

We went as Princess Peach and Mario. And...Toad just happened to be there. And of course One Note Short was the Max from Where the Wild Things are! Enjoy

My Dream...

2009-11-19T14:03:00.002-07:00

I had a dream the other night that I thought is worth mentioning. I am not a believer in psychics. But, apparently in my dreams I thought it would be a good idea to visit one. Here is how it went....

I was sitting across the table from these two:

I would assume that I was there to get my fortune read...or whatever they call it. And Sylvia looked right at me and asked me...

"Are you a LIAR at work?"

And I remember this instant panic coming over my whole entire body. And I replied...

"No."

I was terrified. Mortified. I am not a liar, if at all...I am the most honest person that you will ever meet...I just tell you what I think....straight to your face!

And then she calmly says.

"If you aren't, then I see a lot of money in your future."

And at that instant I started hyperventilating. So much, that Montel handed me a brown paper bag so that I could breathe in.

And then I woke up.

Seriously??? What does that mean? I need to call the dreamzone lady. Because I can't stop thinking about it. What if I am a liar? What if I do have a lot of money coming to me? Why did it just pertain to work? Why in the world did I suddenly stop breathing?

It was weird.

I Lost My Mind

2009-11-17T15:43:00.002-07:00

For just one day I wish that all of my laundry would be complete, all of my floors were scrubbed, all of my requests at work would be wiped clean...and I can just start fresh. That's all that I ask. Somedays I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water, and this week is no exception.

I am returning back to the office after being gone for what seems like FOREVER...and it's weird because life around here kept going without me. Lists piled up, jobs piled up...just like my laundry. And, it seems like no matter what I do I can't seem to catch up.

Aside from either sink or swim...I think that life is pretty damn good. I haven't had a dayy off going on 4 weeks now between this job and that job...Sunday will finally be my day of relaxation. And, after I get my mind back...I promise that I will post more.

The NASCAR Drivers totally slept with me...

2009-11-09T20:44:00.005-07:00

I guess the title of my post is kind of wrong, it should say that they slept AT my hotel. When I left for work this morning there four or five NASCAR trucks outside of the hotel...I wish I was into NASCAR enough to know if they were any good and if I should feel special. But, it was kind 0f cool to see all of the trucks.

And, if I don't sound totally exhausted already...there is a UFO flying outside my hotel window. No joke. I wish that there was someone here to witness it...but there isn't. One Note Short has already passed out by now, and I don't want to wake him up. But, I assure you it is out there. It has a headlight...a greenlight and it is hovering over the Budget Inn...I hope it comes back tomorrow so that I can prove it to someone that I am really not that crazy.

I am in Fort Worth, Texas this week. The week has only just begun. I do have a small story to tell you. But, it has like this huge introduction. So, I will work on that story when I am not seeing things that shouldn't really be there. A week with One Note Short is bound to bring many stories.

On The Road Again

2009-11-02T20:11:00.002-07:00

I am on the road again. But...it's weird because I have nothing to report. The ride to the airport was uneventful, check-in was uneventful...the airplane was uneventful...I have nothing. Usually I have this elaborate story for you...and I got nothing! Wow...that is a first. Which might make for an interesting next couple of days.

I do have Halloween pictures for you...but naturally my camera is sitting at home, so you will have to wait. But, it will totally be worth the wait!

AND...the best news of all is that I bought a new laptop!!!! It's one of those cute ones that can fit in your back pocket...it is perfect for what I will be using it for. I love it! And, the shift key works...I don't have to run a cord for the internet. It's cute and little....

Queens...not fit for a Queen!

2009-10-19T18:59:00.000-06:00

I am out of town again. Which means more stories for you. Of course they all start this morning when I was trying to check-in for my flight. And I was 3 minutes late. AGAIN!!! Damn!!! Luckily I had a nice little attendant that still gave me a boarding pass, but told me that my seat could still be given away. The only problem was I couldnt check my bag in. Luckily I packed lite...I had to throw away my toothpaste, contact solution, and some really expensive hair product. But...I suppose it was worth the price of having to pay for another plane ticket!

After I got on the plane...I was THAT GIRL. And this time it wasnt the stinky girl on the plane. I was the girl that gets all the way to row 29, before she realizes...she passed her row. She is really on row 19...so she has to go backwards...and its not like you can just pass people with all of their shit. They have to get out of the way, or back up all the way to the front of the plane. I proceed to try and stick my bag underneath my seat...or rather SHOVE my bag underneath my seat before realizing that it just isnt going to fit. I was THAT GIRL. I do apologize. I give that girl a hard time every time I travel...and this time I was her.

The flight takes off...and I was in the seat right in front of the door. But, when they shut the door, there is this huge pad thing that takes all of my leg room away. Which is completely beside the point. The door is not air tight. My feet were ice cold. The whole entire time.

The lady behind me...she was singing O Holy Night. At the top of her lungs. I guess I dont have a problem with people singing...but really? Choose a better song.

So...I land at JFK. I did not get to rent a car this trip, because supposedly where I am going is just around the corner from my hotel. So, I proceed to get in a taxi...with a taxi driver who is wearing a turbin. Did I mention that I am in New York? BY MYSELF??? Totally freaked out. Then he proceeds to ask me how to get there. What??? Arent you the taxi driver? I have never been here. I made it to my hotel safe.

Let me describe my hotel. Against my wants and wishes I was forced to stay in a hotel that I dont usually stay in. If I could describe it to you...the hotel itself is the size of a cardboard box...and I am currently occupying a small portion of that box. I am going to be honest...I broke down and cried when I got here.

I thought that it would be wise for me to find where I had to WALK to work tomorrow before it got dark. I started off in the direction that Google Maps sent me...and I walked and walked...only to find that Google FAILED me!!! I walked about a mile in the wrong direction!!! I finally found where I needed to go...in the dark, in the ghetto...and randomly it was right behind my hotel. Weird.

I then decided that I was hungry and I should find something to eat before it got too late. I had not yet located the golden arches. But in my long journey to find what I was looking for earlier, I felt a little more comfortable walking around...I walked a few blocks down and located a Wendys. Ordered my heart attack...and as I was waiting...this big huge black man in front of me mumbled something...I had to ask him like 3 times what the hell he was saying. And I finally deciphered that he was inviting me to SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THIS DELICIOUS DINNER!!!! AHHHH!!! I already feel like I am going to get killed...I grabbed my hamburger and bailed before he could say another word I couldnt understand.

So, here I am safe in my hotel room watching television. A pop up screen on the tv keeps coming up saying that their cable bill is past due and is asking me if I want to pay it??? So...I may not have cable tv to watch tomorrow, because I wont pay it.

That is all that I have for now. I must be honest. I was really nervous for this trip. Not because I was coming to Queens by myself, but because tomorrow I have to work with a really mean man...wish me luck.

I Got Nothing...

2009-10-16T12:27:00.004-06:00

I realized it had been a week since I last blogged and thought to myself that I still had nothing to report. I immediately went to my camera to see what went on this last week that I could tell you about...and this is all I have. Have a good weekend!!!

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

2009-10-07T09:19:00.003-06:00

Well...since I would HATE to break ANY sort of tradition. I would like to announce that today is Ineffably's birthday!!! And, I think that there are few things that you should know about me, that if you don't read my blog...you might want to know! And...feel free to add some things if for some reason I might of forgot...and please. Be nice!

My dad used to always think that my birthday was on the 8th. I think I have teased him so much about it that he remembers now. I guess we will find out today...or tomorrow. (UPDATE: He remembered!)
They spelled my name funny. I kind of like it. My dad still doesn't know how to spell my name.
I can touch my nose with my tongue.
I really want to get a tattoo. But, I don't know what to get. Which makes me worried that there is nothing in my life that means that much to me that I wouldn't want it engraved on my body for the rest of my life. Do I really just not care that much??? Do I not have any feelings??? Am I really as cold hearted as I claim to be???
Lake Powell is my favorite place to vacation. EVER.
I HATE feet.
If I could get away with wearing flip flops or slippers all year long, I would. Most of the time I do.
I carry my camera everywhere I go.
I was the first one of the five siblings to get some sort of college degree. It may have only been an Associates. But, it was still a degree. It was in Accounting.
I love my little sister more than anyone will ever know.
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
Christmas is my least favorite holiday.
I always fear that something tragic is going to happen to me or someone close to me. I always have this thought in the back of my mind that if I think it...then it isn't going happen because I just thought it. (Nevermind...just don't worry about it.)
I can't put my head on the seat of an airplane or movie theatre seat. I ALWAYS wear a hoodie to such an event.
I have an extensive M&M dispenser collection.
I also collect coasters.
I have a secret love for Eminem and Bone Thugs.
I HATE the sound of someone whistling.
I love it when I get a peanut M&M...but it doesn't have the peanut in it.
I have never been happier than in this present time in my life.
Being with my friends and family make me happy.
My iPhone makes me happy. I don't know what I would do without it.
I always have a "To-Do" list that never seems to get done.
My dream is move away and live on an island somewhere. Worry free. Debt free.
I suffer from Migraintitis. I don't really know if that is a word. But, if I don't take my drugs every night...I am bound to get a pounding migraine the next day. Not fun.

And...I really could go on and on about myself. So...here are some pictures from Death Stars and Karaoke... I love you all dearly! Anything that you want to share about me that I might have forgotten??

My New Cruiser...

2009-09-30T10:55:00.004-06:00

I went to the store last night and bought a new cruiser. I am so excited about it, I can't hardly stand it! The problem is, it is raining and snowing outside that I can't even ride her. Monkey and I got matching crusiers with personalized license plates. I know that it is the wrong time of the year to be buying a new Mercedes. But, oh well. And, whoever said you never forget how to ride a bike was correct. I couldn't tell you the last time I was on a bicycle. And, although I was a little wobbly on the ole' Mercedes at first...she rides so smooth!

White Trash

2009-09-30T10:37:00.010-06:00

This last weekend we went to the drag races. Which in other words "great people watching". I tried to get a few photos for your enjoyment as well. Unfortunately, some of them did not turn out as well as I had hoped. But, it is kind of hard to snap photos when you are trying to be sneaky about it. Not that any of them would have noticed or anything. But, I was trying not to be rude. But, without further ado...

It's unfortunate that this picture didn't show up as well as I had hoped. Because, I wanted you to see his especially his back and his tan lines. Let me just say that his back was hairy. I don't have a spot on my body that is hairier than his back.

Mullett. Need I say more?

This guy actually made it into my album twice. The first time I was not too secretive about it. Because he was dumb. So proud to not be wearing a shirt...and it wasn't that warm outside...and then the next time for his PDA...seriously. Gross.

This picture doesn't quite get the full effect of the plumbers crack. He moved when I was trying to take the picture. But, I think you get the idea.

I think they were starting to catch onto me. Because this dude moved right when I was taking the picture too. But, I also think I captured to true essence of the double polo and a popped collar. My first question is, was that ever in style?? And if it was...I am pretty sure it isn't anymore!

And, the trashiest of them all!!!

My Day Thus Far...

2009-09-23T17:28:00.001-06:00

So, here's the deal. I've been awake for approximately 3 and a half hours. I should have been awake a half hour earlier... But that was not happening. Considering it is only 7 in the morning and my past history.

Here is what has happened and/or I have observed since I have been awake.

1. I had to get my 90 pound Labrador retriever out of the trunk of my car because he wanted to go with me. This is not always an easy task, especially because I am not really sure how he got in there to begin with.

2. I pretty much missed my check-in by 2 minutes. Yes... You read that right. 2 minutes. So, the kind lady puts me on stand-by for the next flight and tells me to hurry to the gate and try to make stand-by for my original flight. WTF? You guys are messed up.

3. I made it.

4. But, not before being pointed out that the gate lady was being extra nice by putting me in the exit row.

5. I'm not in the exit row. It's in front of me.

6. The lady next to me has spilled her coffee.

7. Twice.

8. I have witnessed her wipe her coffee spilled crotch more times than I ever want to see.

9. Ever.

10. She even lifted her leg.

11. I'm just sayin'

12. She is in my window seat.

13. The first programmed channel on satellite radio in the rental car was the playboy channel.

14. I saw a penis shaped statue.

15. I plan to stop and get a picture.

16. I don't think it is supposed to be a penis.

17. I just spent 45 minutes in one aisle at super Target.

18. No joke.

19. Then we went to the super small travel section and bought ten items of everything.

20. Let me clarify. I didn't. My co-worker did.

21. They included items such as women deodorant and spongebob squarepants toothpaste.

22. Who am I to judge?

I Think Dooce is the Shit.

2009-09-22T16:43:00.003-06:00

I have to get something off of my chest that has been bugging me for about a week now.

Here it is:

I love to blog. I could care less if anyone reads my blog. I could care less if my readers like what I say. I started my blog a few years ago for my own personal satisfaction. It served sort of as a journal to help me sort some shit out. I just needed to get stuff out in the open. I don't have any ads up on my blog, I have no desire to make any money off of my blog. Whatever. I do follow several blogs, some of them drive me NUTS, some of them I enjoy. Very much. One of them happens to be Dooce. If you haven't read her blog, it's interesting, funny, and she lives in the same town that I am from...and so I think that is what initially sparked my interest.

Last week she started another blog called Monetizing the Hate. Where she basically just posts all of her hatemail. Can I just tell you how much I LOVE IT! I love to read how low people really are? Seriously? Do you really have that much time to take out of your day to email her? AND...my biggest beef with these people is this: IF YOU DON'T LIKE HER...THEN STOP READING HER BLOG!!! It is that simple. Why do they have this need to hate her so much, and then continue to read. It's like they live vicariously through her, and then when she started writing another blog (that I am sure she profits from)...it pisses them off. Which is exactly what she was looking for! Seriously people!!!

I can't handle it. One Note Short and I were talking about a disease that people really have where they live their lives through other people. And, I didn't believe it until I started reading these emails that they were sending her. It's not just one email from the same person, it's many!!! Just give it up already. I think it is hilarious. Who cares what Dooce does? Who cares what Dooce writes about? Nobody asked you to follow her blog, or her Twitter!!! If you are going to get so upset...then STOP!!!

Ok. I think I am done now.

MIA

2009-09-22T13:32:00.002-06:00

It is not just your imagination. I have been gone for a really, really long time. And truth be told...I wanted to crawl into a closet and never come out. But, here I am...taking it one step at a time hoping that it will all get better. And, it is slowly getting there. But, another truth be told. I have only just begun. I wish that I could into more detail. However, I am going to spare you on the details. Or rather...spare me. I don't want to talk about it. It gives me a headache. I have done really, really well to not talk about it, to not break down and really to laugh my way out of the whole situation.

In the meantime. I just got back from the armpit of Texas. Also known as Port Arthur. And...as long as I am spilling the beans. I had a really good time. I met some really cool people there. And, we are BFF's because we are Facebook friends...I just need to talk him into moving here. Not there.

I am up and leaving again tomorrow for Des Moines. Yeah, I don't even know where that is. I am sure that I will figure it out. And, I will only be gone until Friday. And, I am sure that I will be plenty exhausted. I am plenty exhausted right now.

I just want to go home and get everything in order. Everything is so out of order right now it drives me crazy. Oh, and I want a hug from Monkey. And I want him to never let me go.